fail

I'm sitting in the starbucks at the library NOT working on the draft for my review of lit paper that's due in.... 45 minutes. I have 2 out of six pages written. SPECTACULAR.

On monday i got a whopping 2 hours of sleep because i stayed up to study for my ethics exam which was at 8am. Then i somehow stayed awake all day. Last night's sleep was good.

I dunno lately people (including those that don't even really know me that well) have been asking what's wrong and if i'm okay and the truth is i don't really know if i'm okay. I'm feeling SO overwhelmed with school and i'm trying to stay afloat but it just keeps trying to pull me under. Like normally when i get like this i just give up and say "fuck it" but i can't do that in this situation because i will fail out.
And i'ts affecting everything! My ability to focus, my motivation to do anything, my relationship, my sleep habits, everything. I'm just moody and irritated and "salty" (that's a direct quote) and i hate it but i don't know what to do about it because i don't think there's anything i CAN do about it. And when other people are moody towards me i just get irritated and unpleasent and have lost all sense of understanding or empathy. And it's seriously just.. getting to me because i don't know what i want anymore and i'm scared i'll fuck up because i'm not myself.
Going home for fall break helped, but i didn't get as much done and def didn't get the amount of sleep that i needed. For the one time in my life i DIDN'T want to go back to school. And it's not even homesickness it's the desperate need for some sort of break.

i'm just doubting everything that i do/have done. i feel like school is a giant duck that's slowly pecking away at me, and i have a stick to like beat it off but my efforts are futile because it's still getting some good pecks in. I am slowly being pecked to death by VCU.