I haven't been on here in 5,000 years. And for that, i apologize. A lot has happened these past 2 weeks. And i mean A LOT a lot. As in i can't believe that it's only actually been 2 weeks because it feels like it's been 2 months a lot.
We have a new president. Like he's ACTUALLY president, residing in the white house. That's gonna take awhile to get used to.
During this "time of change", things were changing in my life as well. (Please ignore the incorrect grammar in previous sentence). A new semester started, and i'm still adjusting to everything and trying to figure out how much work each class is going to ACTUALLY take and how much sleep i can survive on. I'm still having SERIOUS doubts about my personality "and personal growth" (wtf?) class.
Also, during this time me and my boyfriend of 2 years and some change split up. Did i see it coming? No. i feel as though i've been hit by a train. Not only have we been in a serious relationship for AWHILE, we've also known each other forever and have quite a bit of past history. And when i mean "forever" i mean met in elementary school can't remember when/exactly how we met forever. i know him very very well, and he knows me. I'll spare you all the messy details, but he needed "a break" to get his life together. And i was sad and upset. And then, i discovered what i consider to be the ultimate betrayal and we went from being on a break to broken up (this is the very short version). Is it forever? I don't know. I hope not, but at the same time maybe this needed to happen, maybe we needed to get away and really see what was happening outside of us. I believe that if we are meant to be together, we will be in the end.
It hurts. That's the only thing i can say, is that i'm HURT in multiple ways. I'm working on this whole forgiveness thing, but at the same time i'm determined to never have this happen to me ever again. What hurts even more, is that i still miss him and love him and wish he was here with me right now, and that deep down i know he's a good guy who just made a mistake. Does that really make it okay? No. But this would be a lot easier to deal with if he was a total asshole and treated me like absolute shit. And he didn't. And i still care about him and i know he's hurting but i can't be there for him right now. And that just sucks even more. And we weren't able to share the joy of welcoming the new administration, something we should've been celebrating together, because we were on such rocky terms.
However, i'm holding up relatively well. I went through a week of being completely miserable and skipping assorted classes and laying in bed watching desperate housewives. I went home this past weekend and that helped a LOT. It felt good to just be there and talk to my mom about everything and get various perspectives. I'm currently continuing to live my life, despite being constantly reminded of him and wanting to talk to him. But such is the way of a hard break up.
I'm currently in the "eating your feelings stage". But that's fine. My metabolism is keeping up.
The trust that has been built up over the years, the image that i've held in my heart and my head has been shattered. And hopefully one day will be restored, although that will be a very long and intense journey.
BUT IN OTHER NEWS.
i didn't make STRUT this year and i'm fucking pissed, because i had a good try out and i made it last year. It's totally disappointing because i REALLY wanted to do it this year because it looks absolutely wild. Bummed bummed bummed. CAN'T CATCH A FUCKING BREAK.
Also, the chief of VCU police has been arrested for soliciting a minor online. Like legit CAUGHT in a sting operation. He thought he was talking to a 14 year old. Trying to solicte sex. HI THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! Not only is this creepy and weird and terrible, but way to make VCU look bad YET AGAIN!!! i mean, if you can't trust the people who are supposed to protect you, who can you trust?? As i've learned earlier these past few weeks, you can't trust anyone. And that's just terrible. VCU needs to do some SERIOUS house cleaning, because there are some shady ass characters here that need to be disposed of. We really can't afford anymore fuck ups and bad press. Especially since student safety is something that the school prides itself on. Read for more details here.
What else. Anything else? i don't think so. That's the brief update on where i've been. Deeper/better stuff later. I just wanted the world to know that i'm not dead, and coping.
"Trust is like a vase... once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be the same again"
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Don inarrupt. Rude!
This game was totally unfair. The refs were bullshittin it. Wonder how much they got paid.
Monday, January 12, 2009
i'm very excited
there's already talk of shutting down Guantanamo Bay. Within Obama's firs week in office. SCORE SCORE SCORE.
Also, the Bishop Gene Robinson is in charge of the Invocation on Sunday at the lincoln memorial. For those who don't know, this is the Episcopal Church's openly gay bishop that has struck up a lot of controversy within the church. Being Episcopalian, this directly affects me. This is sure to stir up some controversy, especially at home.
very very excited. Look like the new prez might actually come through!
Also, the Bishop Gene Robinson is in charge of the Invocation on Sunday at the lincoln memorial. For those who don't know, this is the Episcopal Church's openly gay bishop that has struck up a lot of controversy within the church. Being Episcopalian, this directly affects me. This is sure to stir up some controversy, especially at home.
very very excited. Look like the new prez might actually come through!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee
So i don't know how many of you get the Washington Post, or how many out of those who do get the post read the Washington Post Magazine on Sundays, but when i'm home i like to read the newspaper in particularly the comics and the magazine which comes every sunday. Well this Sunday the main article was titled "Lives to Remember" and it was the life stories of 11 people who died in 2008 who are local to the area. These people are not famous or well known, in fact they are relatively unknown. But the lives they lived were extraordinary.
One man was a CIA agent in Russia during the Cold War, another a 22 year old girl who was determined to have a real wedding before losing her life to liver cancer 33 days later, yet another was a civil rights activist. So many incredible stories about the lives of the unknown. However the one that was the most interesting to me was about a doctor who worked at the Lorton Prison.
I live near the lorton prison, and my highschool was built on the property after the prison closed down. I was even lucky enough to go inside on a photography field trip before they started tearing down/renovating the facility to make it an Arts Center. It was an incredible experience that i'll never forget. So anyway this man was a doctor with a private practice who worked nights at the prison as their pysician. The story was all about how he truly cared for all of his patients, even "sugar bear" an inmate who the rest of the staff was terrified of. He could've been making the big bucks in a huge private practice and instead he kept it small, caring about local residents and the "scum of the earth" inmates. And that really touched me. And at his funeral, countless patients and former inmates showed up to pay their respects. He truly made a difference in so many lives and was loved by everyone. That's the kind of life i want to live.
And then this past weekend i also saw the movie The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (by the way it's REALLY long and i still haven't really decided if i liked it or not) and it got me thinking about death. The basic plot of the movie is this man Benjamin who is born old, and gets younger as he ages. So when he's 7 years old his body is that of an 80 year old man, and by the time he dies he's a baby. But at the beggining of the movie, they're not sure how much time he has to live, and someone asks him if he's scared to die and he just says "I'm not really scared, just curious. There's nothing wrong with old age. "
Curious.
And this got me thinking about life and death. Everyone talks about living a fulfilling life, making money, being happy, having a family, whatever. But you never know when you're time is going to come. It could be tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, 5 years from now, ANYTIME. I'm not preaching "our time here is short" because we all know this and it's very cliche. My point is that our time on earth is uncertain. Death does not discriminate. We all die. It is one thing that all humans have in common.
Alot of people are scared of death. I used to be one of them. And i think i was afraid because it's the unknown. Everyone has a belief about what happens to you when you die, whether its heaven or hell or reincarnation or fertilizer for a tree or whatever. But no one knows what ACTUALLY happens and that's why people are afraid. They're also afraid because they're worried they won't accomplish everything they wanted to. That they'll never start a successful business or be famous or become a CEO of a major corporation or publish a book or some big goal. But this article/movie got me thinking that even ordinary people live extraordinary lives. And while it might not be big and well known and glamorous, it doesn't make ones life less valuable than another persons.
So now i've decided that i'm not AFRAID of dying, because it's going to happen no matter what. And in the end i have no control over it. But i am extremely CURIOUS as to what death/dying is like. And i don't want to know ahead of time what it's going to be like. I want it to be an adventure, a new page. An epilogue.
Value what you have now. Pursue your dreams and live your life because you are not less valuable just because you're not on TV. It is the everyday people that lead the most impressive lives.
One man was a CIA agent in Russia during the Cold War, another a 22 year old girl who was determined to have a real wedding before losing her life to liver cancer 33 days later, yet another was a civil rights activist. So many incredible stories about the lives of the unknown. However the one that was the most interesting to me was about a doctor who worked at the Lorton Prison.
I live near the lorton prison, and my highschool was built on the property after the prison closed down. I was even lucky enough to go inside on a photography field trip before they started tearing down/renovating the facility to make it an Arts Center. It was an incredible experience that i'll never forget. So anyway this man was a doctor with a private practice who worked nights at the prison as their pysician. The story was all about how he truly cared for all of his patients, even "sugar bear" an inmate who the rest of the staff was terrified of. He could've been making the big bucks in a huge private practice and instead he kept it small, caring about local residents and the "scum of the earth" inmates. And that really touched me. And at his funeral, countless patients and former inmates showed up to pay their respects. He truly made a difference in so many lives and was loved by everyone. That's the kind of life i want to live.
And then this past weekend i also saw the movie The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (by the way it's REALLY long and i still haven't really decided if i liked it or not) and it got me thinking about death. The basic plot of the movie is this man Benjamin who is born old, and gets younger as he ages. So when he's 7 years old his body is that of an 80 year old man, and by the time he dies he's a baby. But at the beggining of the movie, they're not sure how much time he has to live, and someone asks him if he's scared to die and he just says "I'm not really scared, just curious. There's nothing wrong with old age. "
Curious.
And this got me thinking about life and death. Everyone talks about living a fulfilling life, making money, being happy, having a family, whatever. But you never know when you're time is going to come. It could be tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, 5 years from now, ANYTIME. I'm not preaching "our time here is short" because we all know this and it's very cliche. My point is that our time on earth is uncertain. Death does not discriminate. We all die. It is one thing that all humans have in common.
Alot of people are scared of death. I used to be one of them. And i think i was afraid because it's the unknown. Everyone has a belief about what happens to you when you die, whether its heaven or hell or reincarnation or fertilizer for a tree or whatever. But no one knows what ACTUALLY happens and that's why people are afraid. They're also afraid because they're worried they won't accomplish everything they wanted to. That they'll never start a successful business or be famous or become a CEO of a major corporation or publish a book or some big goal. But this article/movie got me thinking that even ordinary people live extraordinary lives. And while it might not be big and well known and glamorous, it doesn't make ones life less valuable than another persons.
So now i've decided that i'm not AFRAID of dying, because it's going to happen no matter what. And in the end i have no control over it. But i am extremely CURIOUS as to what death/dying is like. And i don't want to know ahead of time what it's going to be like. I want it to be an adventure, a new page. An epilogue.
Value what you have now. Pursue your dreams and live your life because you are not less valuable just because you're not on TV. It is the everyday people that lead the most impressive lives.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
So i have some things i want to talk about
Or maybe it's more like rant about? Whatever. The first issue is: THE SIZING OF WOMENS CLOTHING!!!
Okay now ladies, i KNOW you've encountered this issue. Some stores carry even sizes (2, 4, 6, 8 etc) others carry odd (0, 1, 3, 5, 7 etc), some carry both (4/5, 6/7, 8/9) and then SOME start out odd, but then as the size goes up they numbers turn even. And of course, the sizes are not standard. So while you might own a dress that's a size 4, you might also own one that's a 6 or an 8 or a 2 or a 5, because every store is different. And just when you've KIND of figured out the approximate range so you can accurately try things on, you encounter a store that goes by waist measurements or something (h&m) and are all thrown off. Don't even get me started on the whole small, medium, large thing because THAT is just anyones guess.
So i'm sure you're like "well, that's why you try things on." Okay DUH but this is not the point. When someone asks you your size because they're trying to buy you a gift or something, i bet you always say "well, it depends. A [medium] usually fits, or a [6] or an [8], but if it's pants than make sure they're long enough" and, if this person is a man, they just look at you and shake their head thinking "women make everything so damn complicated" BUT IT'S NOT OUR FAULT!!! And online shopping? That is literally a gamble unless you've tried something from the store/similar item on and know that it's going to fit.
However, MENS clothing on the one hand is far less complicated. Everything goes by waist size, so they know that if they're a 36 than a 36 pair of pants or whatever from essentially ANY store will fit. And if they're an XL, than an XL shirt etc. is going to fit from essentially ANY store. It is far less complicated. So why can't women's clothing be like this? Hrmmm?
I know i know "every woman is different" but the reality is that i should be able to say with confidence what my size is and know that said clothing item will probably fit. Yes a little tailoring might be needed for some, or in my case i just know i HAVE to by "long" pants/jeans. But can someone explain how, at target today, i bought 2 pairs of leggings. And one pair was from the "juniors" or w/e dept. and was a size medium. The other pair were from the GIRLS dept, and a size 10/12. AND THE ONES FROM THE GIRLS DEPARTMENT FIT ME BETTER!!?!?!?? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? THEY'RE LEGGINGS, AND I'M 20 YEARS OLD LOOKING CRAZY CRUISING THE GIRLS DEPARTMENT AT TARGET!!!
Bra sizing is standard. Shoe size is standard. Mens clothing is standard. So retailers of the world, i propose to you that you STANDARDIZE womens clothing!! I don't care how you do it, just put us all out of our misery!
now i can't even remember what else i was going to talk about.... so worked up...
edit:
ok i remember now. The other thing i wanted to simply say was that Kanye West is losing his mind. i like his music, even if he seems to be kind of an asshole. He's different and creative and clearly very talented. His new album is very different and powerful, but i also think it's a sign that he's going insane. Like tragedy insane. Like potential find him dead one day insane. I also think Beyonce is slowly on the decline. I think she's about to peak and the whole changing her name thing to "sasha fierce" is a sign that something insane is about to happen. I could be totally wrong, but that's just what i think.
Also, i'm absolutely sick of people not knowing how to drive. Common sense and a turn signal people, that's all it takes!!
Okay now ladies, i KNOW you've encountered this issue. Some stores carry even sizes (2, 4, 6, 8 etc) others carry odd (0, 1, 3, 5, 7 etc), some carry both (4/5, 6/7, 8/9) and then SOME start out odd, but then as the size goes up they numbers turn even. And of course, the sizes are not standard. So while you might own a dress that's a size 4, you might also own one that's a 6 or an 8 or a 2 or a 5, because every store is different. And just when you've KIND of figured out the approximate range so you can accurately try things on, you encounter a store that goes by waist measurements or something (h&m) and are all thrown off. Don't even get me started on the whole small, medium, large thing because THAT is just anyones guess.
So i'm sure you're like "well, that's why you try things on." Okay DUH but this is not the point. When someone asks you your size because they're trying to buy you a gift or something, i bet you always say "well, it depends. A [medium] usually fits, or a [6] or an [8], but if it's pants than make sure they're long enough" and, if this person is a man, they just look at you and shake their head thinking "women make everything so damn complicated" BUT IT'S NOT OUR FAULT!!! And online shopping? That is literally a gamble unless you've tried something from the store/similar item on and know that it's going to fit.
However, MENS clothing on the one hand is far less complicated. Everything goes by waist size, so they know that if they're a 36 than a 36 pair of pants or whatever from essentially ANY store will fit. And if they're an XL, than an XL shirt etc. is going to fit from essentially ANY store. It is far less complicated. So why can't women's clothing be like this? Hrmmm?
I know i know "every woman is different" but the reality is that i should be able to say with confidence what my size is and know that said clothing item will probably fit. Yes a little tailoring might be needed for some, or in my case i just know i HAVE to by "long" pants/jeans. But can someone explain how, at target today, i bought 2 pairs of leggings. And one pair was from the "juniors" or w/e dept. and was a size medium. The other pair were from the GIRLS dept, and a size 10/12. AND THE ONES FROM THE GIRLS DEPARTMENT FIT ME BETTER!!?!?!?? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? THEY'RE LEGGINGS, AND I'M 20 YEARS OLD LOOKING CRAZY CRUISING THE GIRLS DEPARTMENT AT TARGET!!!
Bra sizing is standard. Shoe size is standard. Mens clothing is standard. So retailers of the world, i propose to you that you STANDARDIZE womens clothing!! I don't care how you do it, just put us all out of our misery!
now i can't even remember what else i was going to talk about.... so worked up...
edit:
ok i remember now. The other thing i wanted to simply say was that Kanye West is losing his mind. i like his music, even if he seems to be kind of an asshole. He's different and creative and clearly very talented. His new album is very different and powerful, but i also think it's a sign that he's going insane. Like tragedy insane. Like potential find him dead one day insane. I also think Beyonce is slowly on the decline. I think she's about to peak and the whole changing her name thing to "sasha fierce" is a sign that something insane is about to happen. I could be totally wrong, but that's just what i think.
Also, i'm absolutely sick of people not knowing how to drive. Common sense and a turn signal people, that's all it takes!!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
cool shit
Face stickers for all your inanimate objects.
Bacon Band-Aids. They have a BUNCH of them, including lips, tattoos, pickles, toast, etc. Incredible.
Mini robot vacuum. Cleans up crumbs!!
Dogs Eye View camera. Attach it to your furry friend's collar, set it to take pictures at intervals, and then see what they've been doing all day while you were gone!!
USB cassett. Make a mix tape out of mp3s, give it as a gift, and they can plug it in and listen!
Finger plates! cool right? now you can hold your drink and eat your food without having to find a place to perch anything...All items can be found at fredflare.com
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