“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

I haven't been on here in 5,000 years. And for that, i apologize. A lot has happened these past 2 weeks. And i mean A LOT a lot. As in i can't believe that it's only actually been 2 weeks because it feels like it's been 2 months a lot.

We have a new president. Like he's ACTUALLY president, residing in the white house. That's gonna take awhile to get used to.

During this "time of change", things were changing in my life as well. (Please ignore the incorrect grammar in previous sentence). A new semester started, and i'm still adjusting to everything and trying to figure out how much work each class is going to ACTUALLY take and how much sleep i can survive on. I'm still having SERIOUS doubts about my personality "and personal growth" (wtf?) class.

Also, during this time me and my boyfriend of 2 years and some change split up. Did i see it coming? No. i feel as though i've been hit by a train. Not only have we been in a serious relationship for AWHILE, we've also known each other forever and have quite a bit of past history. And when i mean "forever" i mean met in elementary school can't remember when/exactly how we met forever. i know him very very well, and he knows me. I'll spare you all the messy details, but he needed "a break" to get his life together. And i was sad and upset. And then, i discovered what i consider to be the ultimate betrayal and we went from being on a break to broken up (this is the very short version). Is it forever? I don't know. I hope not, but at the same time maybe this needed to happen, maybe we needed to get away and really see what was happening outside of us. I believe that if we are meant to be together, we will be in the end.

It hurts. That's the only thing i can say, is that i'm HURT in multiple ways. I'm working on this whole forgiveness thing, but at the same time i'm determined to never have this happen to me ever again. What hurts even more, is that i still miss him and love him and wish he was here with me right now, and that deep down i know he's a good guy who just made a mistake. Does that really make it okay? No. But this would be a lot easier to deal with if he was a total asshole and treated me like absolute shit. And he didn't. And i still care about him and i know he's hurting but i can't be there for him right now. And that just sucks even more. And we weren't able to share the joy of welcoming the new administration, something we should've been celebrating together, because we were on such rocky terms.
However, i'm holding up relatively well. I went through a week of being completely miserable and skipping assorted classes and laying in bed watching desperate housewives. I went home this past weekend and that helped a LOT. It felt good to just be there and talk to my mom about everything and get various perspectives. I'm currently continuing to live my life, despite being constantly reminded of him and wanting to talk to him. But such is the way of a hard break up.

I'm currently in the "eating your feelings stage". But that's fine. My metabolism is keeping up.

The trust that has been built up over the years, the image that i've held in my heart and my head has been shattered. And hopefully one day will be restored, although that will be a very long and intense journey.

BUT IN OTHER NEWS.

i didn't make STRUT this year and i'm fucking pissed, because i had a good try out and i made it last year. It's totally disappointing because i REALLY wanted to do it this year because it looks absolutely wild. Bummed bummed bummed. CAN'T CATCH A FUCKING BREAK.

Also, the chief of VCU police has been arrested for soliciting a minor online. Like legit CAUGHT in a sting operation. He thought he was talking to a 14 year old. Trying to solicte sex. HI THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! Not only is this creepy and weird and terrible, but way to make VCU look bad YET AGAIN!!! i mean, if you can't trust the people who are supposed to protect you, who can you trust?? As i've learned earlier these past few weeks, you can't trust anyone. And that's just terrible. VCU needs to do some SERIOUS house cleaning, because there are some shady ass characters here that need to be disposed of. We really can't afford anymore fuck ups and bad press. Especially since student safety is something that the school prides itself on. Read for more details here.

What else. Anything else? i don't think so. That's the brief update on where i've been. Deeper/better stuff later. I just wanted the world to know that i'm not dead, and coping.

"Trust is like a vase... once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be the same again"