Last Dance

Want to know what i'm thinking about right now??

2009-08-12T01:43:00.001-04:00

If i was a stripper, what would my song be.

i'm so serious. it's almost 2 am and my last day of work is tomorrow and i'm up thinking about what my stripper song would be.

Once i figure it out, i'll get back to you. Could potentially be a short list. i just feel like its something every girl should know.....

Put an end to hate!!

2009-05-27T00:57:00.004-04:00

It's been a coons age, but i'm back and i got some shit to say.

As i'm sure you've heard by now, Prop 8 has been upheld. If you would like to read more about it, click here. I'm upset by this. Prop 8 is already so dumb, and then despite the clear support of overturning it, they STILL decided to uphold. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE? This is clearly very much a religious matter rather than a legal one, despite many claims that there's more to it than the fact that "the bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman". Whether gay marriage is recognized by a church is not the issue, but rather if it should be recognized by the STATE. How is it possible that 2 atheists who do not believe in God and therefore do not have a religious ceremony/blessing can legally get married, yet a homosexual couple cannot? Furthure more, the bible condones behavior that is now considered not only immoral, but illegal (such as polygamy) in the United States. In a country that prides itself on religious freedom, equality for ALL, and seperation of church and state we as a whole somehow fail to recognize that this is LEGALLY UNFAIR!!!

The blatant ignorance of the whole situation just makes me absolutely furious. "This victory for Prop 8 is a victory for children, for civil rights, and for the common good." - Maggie Gallagher, president of the National Organization for Marriage.
Uhhhh.... can someone please exlain to me how this is a "victory for civil rights?". I mean if you want to believe its for the children, or for the common good then whatever. I respectfully disagree. However, the definition of Civil rights is "the rights of citizens to political and social freedom and equality" (Oxford American Dictionary). So, NOT giving all citizens (homosexual couples) equal political and social freedom (ex. marriage) is somehow a VICTORY for civil rights? I'm confused. Please, by all means someone explain this to me.

As a single, white, heterosexual (christian) female, i want my homosexual friends, mentors, and role models to have the same rights as me!! Hell, i want all HUMAN BEINGS to have the same rights as me, particularly in the United States, land of the FREE and home of the brave!! Once upon a time, WOMEN had no rights in this country!! A even shorter time ago, minorities did not have equal rights as those of affluent whites. We have since OVERCOME (for the most part) and have since forgotten this. It was not long ago that most of us would have been in the same position, with little to no legal rights and yet we insist upon telling others that they are not the same as us, and therefore not entitled to what this country stands for. And that is wrong, no matter which way you slice it. The people of this country need to remember their history, and where we came from, and how they would feel if they were in such a situation. How would you feel if you were not allowed to marry the one you love? Nor even visit them on their deathbed because some politician said that you didn't "count" as a spouse/partner?? How would you feel if women STILL hadn't been given the right to vote? If they still had segregated public bathrooms, or made you prove that you owned a hefty amount of land in order to vote? You'd feel cheated, and shitty, and angry. Yea people are angry, and rightly so.

It wasn't long ago that the whole Miss California thing was going on, and her response to a gay marriage question was a topic of heated discussion. MISS CALIFORNIA IS NOT THE VOICE OF THE YOUNGER GENERATION!! WE ARE A GENERATION THAT BELIEVE IN EQUALITY FOR ALL PEOPLE!! We have proven this time and time again, particularly with this past presidential election. The election of President Barack Obama was a huge milestone, not only in the fact that he was the first African American president (HOW many years after the civil rights movement?) but by the impact the young voters had on the election. We were a FORCE and had a huge effect on the election, not only for president obama but for john mccain. The turn out was huge, we made our voices heard, and our leader was elected as such. WE HAVE THE POWER!! The current policy makers should watch out, because we're coming. Times are changing and fast. Our president is black, our economy is shitty, we may have a hispanic WOMAN supreme court justice, and people are downright angry and ready for the fight against "traditional" views. It has taken us too long to make the progress that we have made, and the time to act is NOW.

"black will not be asked to get back
brown can stick around
when yellow will be mellow.
red man can get ahead man
white will embrace what is right
Say Amen Say Amen and Amen"

Summer Shoes

2009-05-11T17:28:00.001-04:00

Will someone buy me these? I like the lace up low tops....

power lad

2009-05-08T00:28:00.002-04:00

Suddenly, i am so, so tired.

Like not sleepy tired, just drained and my head is all cloudy and i'm just... spent. Like i don't care about anything.

I had two exams today. And one tomorrow. But forcing myself to study chemistry is taking a lot out of me. Like i feel like i'm not retaining any information, and it's not even cumulative. It's on like, acid rain and batteries and fuel cells. BLEAHHHH

i'm making myself a chicken pot pie.

sex and the city is on tv and they're in LA for some reason. And it really just makes me wish i could live in LA and have a big house with a pool and it'll be sunny and 80 everyday and i can be tan and outside all the time.
But then i realize i definitely don't have the west coast attitude. I'm totally an east coast kind of girl. Maybe i'll move to Miami. This is a good idea. Then i can maybe become fluent in spanish too. i always come up with the best ideas when i'm stressed and tired and ridiculously apathetic about all aspects of my life. Like, dropping out and becoming a dancer in las vegas. Or a cocktail waitress. Or disney princess. Or giraffe farm. Or moving some really sunny warm place where i can stop being cold and get skin cancer and be a tan crazy old lady who drinks a mimosa every morning.

ps WTF is up with carrie bradshaws stupid outfits.

California love

2009-05-07T00:24:00.001-04:00

I'm officially broke. My checking account balance is $13.17.

i'm not even kidding...

ya know, it's times like these where i wish me and seyi were still together. Because i could just call and bitch about everything and not worry about it getting back to anyone and just have someone listen and understand and just..... i miss that. A lot.
i know, that in ACTUALITY i could INDEED do that. Call him and just bitch and then be like "thanks for listening bye" but that's such a bad idea on so many levels. But, i could do it. Not gonna front when our porch was on fire i texted him, because i miss that sense of security of being able to confide just about anything in one person. But i'm not calling him. No no no even though i'm really tempted.

i'm taking my check card out of my wallet. That way i can't accidentally overdraft. Selling a bunch of books back tomorrow= cash.

i'm in the library trying to study for my 2 exams tomorrow. Richmond is under tornadoe watch. i'll update more later, i have a lot to share.

Whats the matter with kids today?

2009-04-30T02:00:00.002-04:00

SO. i have a final tomorrow in abnormal psych at 1 pm. I want to study more, but my brain feels cloudy and full. AND i turned to Turner Classic Movies and Bye Bye Birdie is on, with Dick Van Dyke. I love him, i love this show, and i love this movie version. It's like, super young mary poppins age dick van dyke. and the special effects are super terrible. The songs from this show are incredible, and it is just making me so, so happy. Like, if i lived back in the 50s/60s, i would have a crush on dick van dyke.

i had a bunch of shit i was planning on writing about. And now watching this movie has just made me forget everything...

i'll add it later

My version of hell

2009-04-27T05:18:00.001-04:00

Militant Vegans
Circle I Limbo

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Riceboys
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

General asshats
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Creationists
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Scientologists
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

PETA Members
Circle VII Burning Sands

George Bush
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

it's time!

2009-04-24T06:22:00.002-04:00

Final exams are upon us. You know what this means? This means i just reinstalled stumble upon.

Let the distractions begin....

2009-04-23T02:44:00.002-04:00

Koala Farts

2009-04-22T15:29:00.001-04:00

Can someone buy this for me, please??? Remember a previous post? it's too good.

Shots Fired

2009-04-22T02:45:00.002-04:00

Shots were just fired outside of brendans apartment. Like "holy shit he's gonna shoot!" then bam bam now cops are everywhere shots fired. I feel like you KNOW richmond isn't the safest place on earth and that you need to be very wary of things, but that you don't realize it until something like this happens. We all get the occasional reminder that there are no "safe" places in richmond, only "safer."

But seriously, why do i go to school here? Most schools don't have to worry about getting mugged/shot at/killed on your way home from the library...

Contrariwise

2009-04-20T17:55:00.003-04:00

i'm obsessed with this website. I cruised it for like an hour last night. I really like the idea of being super cool and nerdy and having some awesome verse tattooed on me and when asked where it's from/what it means i can say "oh, it's from my favorite book/novel/literary classic [insert name here] and i got it because [insert profound meaning here]"

i don't know why i'm looking at tatoos? Because as of right now i have about $70, which is not enough considering i still have like 2.5 weeks of school left and grocery shopping to do. and i'm almost out of swipes.

i just played Animal Crossing for like 2 hours. But seriously, what the hell am i doing with my life?

SQUIRRELS IN MY PANTS!!

2009-04-20T00:39:00.000-04:00

Where you live where you are be a star

2009-04-19T22:31:00.003-04:00

Life Size is on. With tyra banks. That's really all i have to say. it's refreshing to remember that lindsay lohan CAN actually act....

So yesterday was relay for life. It was good. It was LONG and hot and sunny and like, no one came out really so we didn't raise much money there. Apparently last year was a lot better, it seemed really disorganized and like no one knew what was going on. And we were supposed to make panamanian snow cones (which are really good) but they bought this thing where you have to shave the ice by hand? and it was just the ultimate disaster on so many levels. The time i wasn't walking was spent laughing at people trying to shave ice and playing soccer out on the field trying to not be affiliated. But seriously. it was SO HOT. The sun just soaked all the energy out of me there was a point where i was just laying in the middle of the field getting astro turf all over me trying to pretend it was my bed. But it was good. So far my small team raised $940, although that's not the grand total. And i was i think 2nd top fundraiser on my team. Cool beans.

Got home at 11, took a shower, laid in my bed, and then went to the "epick" party. Although by the time i got there it wasn't that epick, because everyone was super drunk and going home. So i hung out for a bit and had a mini dance party to van halen. It was weird. Then came home and played animal crossing then passed the fuck out because i was tired.

Woke up at 1030. Went back to sleep and woke up again at 3:30. Played animal crossing, watched The Departed on tv (not as good censored) and went to church. Applied for an "intern" job there so we'll see how that goes. i feel good about it.

On friday i hung out with Cory. Went to panera, went to target, went to barnes and noble. I spent over $50 at target. Got a new swim suit and 2 shirts and $1 madagascar white board for our fridge. And then at barnes and noble i was doing really good except they had these journals by the check out. And they were adorable. So i bought a $10 adorable bird journal. Now, i don't know WHY i bought this? Because i already HAVE a journal, and i like never write in it ever. When i do it usually means i'm in distress. And that's a cute journal so maybe i should finish that one first?? But i know i won't because this one is adorable, adorable enough to make me buy it on impulse. I think i'm going to start just carrying it around with me everywhere, so that when i have a thought/idea etc i can just write down. Point is, i'm spending money i don't have. Whatever, i'm done caring about real life.
Then we sat outside on the porch and smoked cigarettes and talked about everything that's going on in our lives. It was really good to catch up i miss her.

i'm watching rock of love bus reunion. And brett michaels is so gross and creepy looking with his tiny bit of facial hair. i have lost any shred of respect i had for him. So gross. And all those girls deserve a slap in the face. Have some self respect.

i really want to see the soloist. It looks really good. And i love robert downey jr.

clap your hands if you got a bank roll

2009-04-17T03:02:00.002-04:00

i just got out of the shower and am eating applesauce and listening to lil wayne. I was in the library for a few hours till close tonight (2am) after i went to class. I was a half hour late to my 7pm class. HALF AN HOUR. I missed nothing. But seriously, it's that bad.

i also jumped on about 50 bandwagons yesterday. I got a twitter (yes, i know.) I also got a tumblr. I don't know why. i don't know what i plan on doing with all these things. But i have them. i think i mostly set them up out of curiosity and boredom. I wanted to see what it was all about and the only way i could really do that was to set one up.

If you want to stalk my every move via twitter you can click here.

If you want to stalk my random thoughts and findings even MORE than you do here on blogger, you can view my tumblr here

i feel like a buffalo. Following everyone right off the cliff.

My room is an absolute mess. Like i can't even walk around there's so much stuff on the floor. I need to clean it up because i can't focus when i'm in there because of all the disarray but whenever i get home i just want to lay on the couch and watch will and grace. BOO. I'll just add it on my list of shit to do this weekend.

This weekend is actually shaping up pretty well.

FRIDAY: watch heavy weights with john and julian. i'm way too excited about this. Hanging out with Cory!! I miss her. So that'll be good. i don't want to go OUT out becauseee....

SATURDAY: RELAY FOR LIFE!!! So i'll be spending all day (11-11) hangin out etc on cary street field raising money for cancer research. If you would like to donate to the cause, click here. Every little bit helps!! It's supposed to be really nice (sunny, high of 80) on saturday too. Then, afterwards, EPICK PARTYYY!! Should be fun.

SUNDAY: Chilinz. this is when i'll PROBABLY end up cleanign my room/doing laundry. I'll also probably play a LOT of animal crossing because brendan is leaving his wii here. I need to gather up fruit so i can pay off my house.

i talked to Santa today. I'm working at the office this summer. Again. i feel like a failure. I better get this internship so i can justify working there and have a good excuse to leave early. SRSLY.

LOLZ

2009-04-16T03:32:00.001-04:00

This is funny. Hilarity ensues

100

2009-04-15T16:37:00.002-04:00

This is my 100th post. And i wanted to do something "special" or write about something really interesting. But, alas. Not today. I'm all chemistry these next few days, and when i'm in science/math mode its hard to do anything creative.

So yesterday, i did something kind of weird. Borderline creepy, even. I feel as though i should preface by saying that i stayed up ALL night on monday writing this stupid paper that i put off for months, i literally didn't go to sleep. So by the middle of the day i was losing my mind before i finally passed out for a couple hours. Anyway.

So i'm sitting in Interpersonal Relations 323 waiting for class to start. And this girl is sitting at the end of the row in front of me eating a wrap. And for some reason, i was HYPNOTIZED by how she was eating this freaking wrap. She was just shoving it into her mouth, and not even in a disgusting way (because it was a wrap, there's really only one way you can eat a wrap) but it didn't even really look like she was enjoying it. I don't know why but i just found myself staring at this girl, and suddenly thinking about how disgusting eating is.
i mean, we don't really think about eating that much. We all eat, we all enjoy eating, and we all watch people eat in a way. Like when you sit across from someone at the dinner table, you're watching them eat whether you're paying attention to it or not. In fact, you usually only notice people eating when they're doing something disgusting or weird. But as i'm staring at this girl shoving this wrap into her mouth and i just start thinking about how disgusting eating is. Like its is gross!! Shoving things into our mouth to mash up and put into your body? Foul. Seriously i was being such a creeper watching this girl eat and thinking about what a disgusting thing eating is.

Remember that stats test that was driving me crazy? I GOT A 97!! HELLLLL YEAAAAA!!! Cruz got an A too. SUCCESS!

This is kind of weird. Kind of.

Also, 24 hour library hours start on sunday. It is RIDICULOUS how excited i am. I'm looking forward too much. i think it's a sign...

That's all i have right now. I leave you with a picture of Taye Diggs.

Yummyyyyyy. Idina Menzel is one lucky bitch. (Ps they're going to have the most beautiful caramel i've ever seen. Its ridiculous how excited i am).

ITUNES WHAT ARE YOU DOING??

2009-04-12T01:52:00.003-04:00

HI.

okay i KNOW you don't have to use itunes to download music bla bla bla but i got a bunch of giftcards for christmas so i've been using it. And so i go do download this song and its $1.29???? UH WHAT THE FUCK!????

so i click the question thing and it brings up this whole "itunes plus" spiel. Its supposed to be better sound quality and without digital rights management meaning you can burn it however much you want etc but it's 30 cents more!! NO I DON'T WANT THAT!!

I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THIS I WANT TO PAY 99CENTS FOR A FUCKING SONG. And the sick thing is, that there are SOME songs that you can only by this "plus" version of. So you don't even have the cheaper, "not as good" option!!

THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!! WHERE DO I SEND IN MY ANGRY LETTER??? I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING!!!! I'M FUCKING MAD!

ugh what the hell......

PB Teen

2009-04-11T22:56:00.002-04:00

So, out of sheer boredom/procrastination i was looking at a Pottery Barn Teen catalog. I dunno maybe looking for ideas to add to my room. Whatever.

They have some cool random stuff. But not the point.

The point is, WHO HAS ROOMS LIKE THIS WHEN THEY'RE A TEENAGER??? I mean, the bedrooms are plausible.

Lounge rooms? NO.
Intricate study spaces? No
Dorm rooms? I HAVE YET TO SEE A DORM ROOM LIKE THAT. Maybe they exist, but i've never seen one.

Just... Egads.

Get off of my cloud

2009-04-11T22:23:00.002-04:00

Suddenly, i have a lot to do.

i knew this would happen.

i can register for classes on monday, and i have NO idea what i'm taking. Except for another stupid required statistics class. And the advising office had super weird office hours so i didn't go this week, even though they are like no help anyway. UGHHHHHH I HATE REGISTRATION SO MUCH.

And i have my abnormal psych paper due tuesday, which i've been putting off for weeks and weeks and weeks. Its a cool assignment (diagnose a movie character etc) but i have this awful feeling that it's actually going to be really hard and that i'm going to end up hating my life. CRAPPPPPP

Tommorrow is easter. This means going to church and having honey baked ham. And i brought home VARIOUS easter outfits and i am unsatisfied with all of them. And i know i'm going to be up late tonight doing... things which means tomorrow i will be tired and probably crabby.

Today was eventful.

First i got my haircut. It is NOT what i wanted. I was REALLY unhappy at the salon, like i couldn't even fake it. And the thing is, once it's cut it's cut. You can't UNcut your hair. So i came home and washed all of the mousse and crap she put in it and it looked better and i guess i'm content now. It's cute. It looks good. But it's not what i wanted. Oh well. Hair grows and mine grows fast. Stupid mom threw away the ORIGINAL picture of my haircut because "that magazine was old" (false) and i have DESPERATELY been trying to find it with no luck, so i had to kinda peice one together out of multiple pictures and stuff and it just. Yea. I went from being an unhappy camper to a mildly content camper.

Then me and dad went to crystal city for a st. baldricks event that his cousin organized. I think it's his cousin? It's my dad's cousin's son. So yea that makes him a cousin. Anyway we went to this huge sports bar/pub (it had 3 floors!) in crystal city and hung out with family that we like, never see and ate food and watched people get their heads shaved. If you don't know what st. baldricks is i've included a link, but it's a foundation for kids cancer reasearch where people raise money and then shave their head. It was really fun. And the cousins convinced my dad at the last minute to do it!! So they paid 50 bucks and he got his head shaved haha. He doesn't really look that different because he keeps his hair military short anyways but it was still cool. Yay dad!! And Miss Virginia was there, and she was going to shave her head if they reached their goal of 100,000 dollars although i highly doubt they reached it. That's a lot of money. We didn't stay the whole time though but it was still really fun.

Came home. Dicked around, went to CVS. The stupid barrett jackson car auction has been on all day. Ate hamburgers, dyed easter eggs andddd yea. Realized how much shit i have to do and then proceeded to not do any of it.

YAY

i just realized i never told the porch story?? I'll do that later because it is rather long. But seriously, i don't know why this shit happens to me...

OH PS. i'm doing relay for life on saturday!!! And i just signed up like a week ago and have NO fundraising SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO DONATE PLEASE CLICK HERE. ALL DONATIONS GO TO THE AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY!!!

YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!!!

2009-04-10T03:37:00.002-04:00

i have a stats test tomorrow. actually its in 7.5 hours but whatever. Me and cruz studied for several hours in the library, and everytime we THOUGHT we got it, we were wrong. This test is like full of trick questions. Fucking stupid. I reject the null hypothesis that statistics is important to my life due to small p-values.

yea. i'm losing my mind.

i'm going home for easter because my friend can give me a ride tomorrow even though it means skipping chemistry, although somehow i think i'll live. i don't really have anything else to say right now because all i am thinking about is how stupid statistics is and i feel like all i do is bitch about that class. But kate wanted me to post so THIS WILL HAVE TO DO until tomorrow when i'm home, and will PROBABLY have trip home stories.

and if not i'll update anyway because it's been awhile and i'll be looking for something to do. OH and maybe i'll discuss the baltimore trip/family reunion. Not doing this now no no no because then i'll just never go to sleep even though its already 343 am.

My Life

2009-04-03T01:54:00.002-04:00

SOUL CRUSHING 101

2009-04-02T21:02:00.003-04:00

I'm in my 7-940 personality and "personal growth" class right now and i freaking hate it.

i watched 2 episodes of the office, wrote my chem blog, and brought my coloring calendar but i don't think i'm gonna break that out because we may be getting out soon.

But seriously. This class ruins all things that are potentially good about thursdays. And on that note i leave you this wonderful old picture of my middle brother found by kate. Enjoy.

It's 1:12 AM

2009-04-02T01:12:00.002-04:00

And i have a 2 page relationship paper due tomorrow at 2pm.

And i haven't started it yet.

And i'm not even freaking out. Which i think is a problem??

I actually accomplished quite a bit today DESPITE taking like a 4 hour nap. That's probably why i'm awake right now and not losing my cool. I think i'm going to write it on gender roles and androgyny.

Brothers on a Hotel Bed

2009-03-31T00:43:00.002-04:00

This weekend was super mellow. I was sick and feeling like crap thursday and friday. Saturday i went to STRUT (it was a great show!) and then just hung out because nothing really was going on. Went to the village with allena and cory and melissa and had a baller black and white milkshake. It was victory in a cup.

Saturday was also the huge Ukrops 10k, but surprisingly it didn't wake me up. The cable company did at 1030 AM but thats not important. What IS important is that on the side of Broad street there was this HUGE stack of boxes filled paper cups that were used for water etc for all the runners. They were just sitting there! So we each took a box. And now we have like 500 something paper cups to do what we please. We covered k'shonda's door with them, and built a large tower. But we still have quite a bunch that remain unopened in addition to the ones we saved. I don't know what we will eventually do with all of them (lemonade stand?) but it will be brilliant.

Sunday i went to church which was good. Possibly working there next year but i will update on that later. They had this priest from california that talked about the environment and he was really interesting. Did you know the number one thing you can do to help the environment is stop eating beef? Seriously! And i'm not talking just about greenhouse gases, but the amount of water it takes to create 1lb of ground beef is over 500 gallons. OVER 500 GALLONS OF WATER PER POUND.
Then julian and john came over and we TRIED to watch heavyweights but that didn't work, so we watched police academy instead and talked about poop and lurked google maps. Google maps fucking creeps me out. Like i can see my car in my driveway and i don't like that one little bit because it just reaffirms that big brother is always watching.

Today went to class, actually sort of understood what statistics was talking about and got pissed off at all the rude people in our gigantic chemistry class. Came home, made important phone calls/emails and did a lot of reading for Abnormal. Went to yoga which was AWESOME it was my favorite class yet. All that tension just went away. Then watched tnt crime dramas and ate subway.

I feel like a lot of things are happening really fast. The job search, for instance. I'm trying to keep my options open and apply for a bunch of similar options (summer camps etc). And my dad keeps asking me what my plans are and i keep saying "i don't know" because i DON'T know. Whether i spend majority of my summer in richmond or in nova all depends on where/if i can get a job that i like.
I got put on the list to be interviewed for this "psyc 493 internship" thing over the summer where you take a week of class then work at this camp for kids with incarcerated mothers and recieve 3 credits for it. So if i get/decide to do that then i'll probably just work in nova for june/half of july and then come back down here to do that.
I also impusively filled out this online application/profile for college nannies and tutors.com and surprisingly THEY called me while i was in class and left me a voicemail saying they want to discuss what types of jobs i'm interested in. Then i was like "holy shit what if i'm a fucking nanny all summer?" but when i called back she didn't pick up so i left a message. That would be in richmond. And i don't know what the hell my parents would say if i told them i wasn't really coming home that much because i was being a nanny. And whether i do that job depends on if they place me somewhere/how much i get paid etc.
I also need to get my resume together to apply for daycamp mclean in nova. But they don't have an application just an email address that says "send resumes to" and to be honest, i do not have a resume. I've never put one together. So maybe i'll get my dad to help me with that this weekend. That pays 12 bucks an hour, and i would be home which would be considerably cheaper.
I don't know.

IT REALLY ALL JUST DEPENDS ON A LOT OF THINGS!!! And shit is suddenly happening fast and i'm feeling pressured to have my summer figured out and the truth is i probably won't ACTUALLY have a plan till school is like, over.

Going home/to baltimore this weekend with the fam will probably be good/helpful because then i can get their perspectives and advice. But the clock is tickingg.

And these are the kinds of things i think about when i'm trying to fall asleep. Its no wonder i never go to bed before 3am anymore....

It's one of those days

2009-03-25T15:14:00.003-04:00

So, today i had a statistics test. Which means last night i was up late hating my life and doing practice tests and the only reason i didn't write a post was because my internet in my room wasn't working. I studied with Cruz in the library for a while and i thought it was helping, only he just confused me more because he was asking all these complicated questions that i didn't know the answers to. And so when i got home i tried to figure it all out, but i totally blanked on this one question on the test and i HOPE i got the rest right. Whatever it's too late now.

Then i went to chemistry class, but the stats test took me all 40 minutes to complete, and i NEEDED coffee (because i finally fell asleep at 5am) so i ran to starbucks and back to chem in the 10 minute period in between. But by the time i got to chem the lecture hall was pretty full and shayla and taylor et. al (like that lit reference?) had saved me a seat in the middle of the middle of the back section, so i had to squeeeeze past a buch of people to get to it. And these 2 girls KIND of moved out of the way, but there is NO space between the seats and i got all tripped up trying not to blatantly step on them and then i like, FELL across 3 seats. It could've been worse because taylor sort of caught me by my arm and prevented me from smashing my face on the seat and i somehow didn't spill my drink, but seriously i went flying all because these dumb bitches wouldn't move. And lots of people saw. And i was humiliated, yet laughing at the same time.
So i finally sit down and start taking notes and stuff and am for some reason REALLY into the lecture, trying to figure out what the HELL he's talking about with CO2 absorbing infared radiation and drawing pictures when the fire alarm goes off scaring the SHIT out of me. So now i have no idea what he was saying and am gonna be all thrown off next class.

Currently sitting in the dark watching tv and its project runway reruns (the one with christian on it) and victoria beckham is the guest judge and i just loveeee her. She was my fav spice girl back in the day. I just want to BE her, she's def my girl crush. And this was one of my fav seasons of project runway.

Kelsey is having a REALLY bad day, she lost her internship because of the economy which means she doesn't have a job this summer. Among other things that i'm not gonna put up here because, that's her life not mine. But this freaks me out because i don't have a job, i've given up on finding an internship because it's pretty much too late for that, and this just reminds me that NO one is safe. And it scares the living hell out of me. i can't even fathom what the hell is gonna happen when we graduate. Terrifying.

Also, Tyson Beckford, i want to eat you for lunch. PLEASE contact me as soon as possible because then i can die a happy woman.

Weirdest episode of CSI i've ever seen. That's saying a lot.

Edit:

One more thing. I'm thinking of getting my monroe pierced. I temporarily forgot about it, but i'm back on the idea again. Thoughts??

Presidential bracket

2009-03-18T14:51:00.002-04:00

Obama picked VCU over UCLA.

Here's hoping!!! I'm confident in my team, yet i'm also realistic. I'm also LOVING all the shout outs we've been getting!! It's a great time to be a VCU student.

Poker Face

2009-03-18T00:19:00.004-04:00

Suddenly, i have the urge to watch Paris Is Burning. i'm sure i could find it on the internet however the wireless is so unreliable i would just end up staying up all night trying to get it to load/watch it. Think Yes Dance meets powerful documentary meets the art of Voguing. You better WERK! And no, i didn't watch rupauls drag race today.

Kate got me thinking about clothes and SHOES and how much i just want to shop shop shop but i can't because i dont have any money (speaking of money i'm resolving the whole rent/eviction problem tomorrow but i don't want to discuss it because i finally kind of calmed down). I feel like, no matter how many clothes i have i never have anything to wear. Or at least not anything i want to wear. i ADORE this dress
Like i just LOVE it. And it's very me. I kind of don't think i'm skinny enough to pull it off (and don't start giving me shit about how skinny i am for how tall i am) but i would rock this so hard. Someone buy it for me, please? Anyway, point is over break i was in kohls and they had these shoes that i really liked and wanted and COULD buy, but they were also small enough to fit in my bag. So i tried them on, and wandered around the shoe dept contemplating if i should steal the shoes or not. It was like almost close no one would notice they didn't have tags on them and as far as i could tell there weren't cameras pointed on the location in which i was standing. I DIDN'T STEAL THE SHOES. But now, i'm at that point where i keep thinking how i could've gotten away with it (probably) and how i should've done it because i didn't have a gut instinct telling me not to. There was a point in time where i would've done it without hesitation, but not this time. And i should have.
IT IS THAT SERIOUS!! I am thinking about how i SHOULD have stolen some shoes.... what the fuck. And i love that lady gaga doesn't ever wear pants. I just love her and how she's doing her thing and doing what she wants and doesn't give a fuck. I am a fan of no pants. I often have to put them on when people come over.

Today was saint patricks day. And i don't really give a fuck. I wore green, didn't go out and stayed curled up on the couch in sweatpants watching SVU drinking white grape juice because juice is good and i spill a lot. i did go to the gym with kelsey and that was good except i've been feeling SO. TIRED lately which isn't good. Because i haven't really been doing anything. Also got to play animal crossing AGAIN today (yay!) and according to weather man we will see sun tomorrow!!

i got an 81 on my personality midterm. I guess i'm not dropping it? Since that's technically a B? Kind of pleasently surprised yet disappointed at the same time. I bet i totally blew those short answer questions. But i also didn't really study. Like at all. Whatever.
i need a haircut.

post its

2009-03-17T02:28:00.001-04:00

i found this blog, and all i can think about now are the ridiculous post its i drew at work in order to preserve my sanity.

Shiver

2009-03-17T01:03:00.002-04:00

today we got a summons from the rental company to drag our asses to court over 400 dollars that i sent in today.

....

i am not amused. i called and left a message when i got said letter. Tomorrows phone convo after morning class should be fun.

coldplay coldplay coldplay why am i suddenly addicted to you? Their music just REALLY grew on me all of a sudden.

Today was back to the old grind. Only i just had a bunch of tests so i don't really have any work to do and it's really throwing me off. Went to class, came home, played animal crossing (FINALLY!) and then watched 2 of the craziest episodes of wife swap i've ever seen. Got letter from landmarks lawyer (grrr...) then went to yoga. Which was really good, except there is STILL all this tension in my lower back. It's been like, partially released and it feels reallly weird. Guess i'll spend some quality time in childs pose before i go to sleep.
Then we went to capital ale house for dollar burger night. That was fun, even though it took awhile. i didn't eat as much as i did last time; stuck to ONE burger and some fries.

Tommorrow is a big day: Go to class, talk to rental company, fill out APB application. I think that would be a good/fun job for me to have during the school year next year. A way to get involved, a way to get paid.
I'm currently looking for a summer job. The search has just started and my hopes are high, however i have no idea still what i really want to do. Nova or Richmond? i feel like whichever one i choose it'll be the wrong choice. I'm trying to get a summer camp counseler type position; but i would do lots of things, except work with food and PREFERRABLY not in an office setting. Because if i want to work in an office, i can go home and be essentially GUARANTEED a job and not have to be trained. I'm trying to get creative in my search, because everyone and their mom is cruising craigslist etc right now. But it's hard. The prospects are grim.

Random story: my last dinner at home, i spilt my milk alllll over my dad. Like knocked the glass over onto him and got milk everywhere. It was funny, except mom didn't think so.

So what do you guys think of my new layout? Like? Dislike? i like it better than the previous one i had, but i'm still not sure this is the one. Leave your thoughts please.

i should probably sleep since i have to talk to angry people tomorrow.

504

2009-03-15T17:04:00.002-04:00

it's 5:04 pm on sunday and i'm all packed and waiting to go back to school.

i WAS looking forward to it, till shayla called me and said my rent check came back because i forgot to put a stamp on it (stupid stupid) and now our rent is late. And they sent a letter to our house on the 5th, saying everything had to be paid within 5 days (like the late fee etc) cept we were all on spring break. So i dunno if that messes shit up but i do NOT feel like dealing with that. Like they're gonna threaten to drag us to court or some shit and i'm just gonna call and be like "hi we were on spring break i'm sending you your money cool your fucking jets" and i don't even know how we go about renewing our lease? i am not even trying to move/find a new place to live.

i've accomplished absolutely NOTHING over this break. Seriously. i didn't even get to the post office, me and dad have YET to do my taxes, i didn't get my hair cut. i just sat around being a waste case.

SPEAKING of waste cases, friday night me and lauren drank an entire bottle of expensive red wine. it was a very bad choice. Putting that in my bad idea box and not doing that again.

Last night i hung out with tricia and we went to this dance competition. We were not affiliated with any studio that was competing, we simply went there to HATE on bitches. And we hated. Unless they were actually good. Then we cheered.

The weather these past few days has been absolutely dreadful; cloudy rainy cold blah. And my car has something wrong with it that ALSO didn't get fixed over break which means i'm NOT taking it back to school. lame.

i've really enjoyed having reliable internet. i downloaded a shit ton of music and listened to my pandora a lot a lot. Speaking of internets, check out this shout out!! HEYYY represent that's my school! On a totally random note, i'm making my dad a lil wayne mix to play in the OR. Not even joking. He's excited.

Mom is making stir fry. Yummmm.

Also, i beat my bubble blaster high score over break. It was glorius.

On repeat

2009-03-06T00:54:00.002-05:00

All day i have been listening to:
- Jimi Hendrix (especially Wind Cries Mary- i swear 30 times today)
- Kanye West 808s & heartbreak
- Jimmy Eat World Futures
- Jon Foreman The Cure for pain (probably 10 times today)

Guess i've been hangin out in the J section of itunes.

What is it about Statistics that just makes me want to quit at life? It's not even that hard. Like in the grand scheme of things, statistics is not hard. At least it's not yet. i PROBABLY shouldn't have said anything about it being easy. Crap.

The stress has finally got to me. Thank god i only have one more test. I've already had a mini mental breakdown; i just like FREAKED out and started spewing out random angry things about my life and it was totally ridiculous. At this exact moment in time i feel unhappy and confused but i think it's just because i've felt overwhelmed this past week and all the outside factors BESIDES school are not helping.
Took my 323 exam (interpersonal relationships) today at 2. It went okay. i felt really under prepared for it and i hate hate hate that feeling. But i got the discussion question so i guess that's good. I dunno. To be honest interpersonal relationships are the LAST thing i want to be studying right now.
i also took my personality midterm tonight. That was pleasantly easier than i expected. I was super under prepared for that too but whatever. That teacher is an absolute joke, and would be a damn fool if she didn't curve it. So i finished that exam; do i feel like i know what i just completed? No. Sucks.

Sat in the compass after that exam in the dark and the quite and the borderline pleasant weather and sucked down a cigarette in an attempt to relax a little bit. i like hanging out on campus at night, it's a totally different place. Shafer had a burrito bar, and i watched a video of a cat leaping into a wall. That was about the highlight of my day.
The office was new, and kind of funny. I've seen more hilarious episodes. Quest crew won ABDC and i'm not mad because their last performance was fucking legit. It was REALLY good. Beat Freaks are my girls though for real, i'm super proud of them. And quest reminds me so much of jabbawockeez and super crew that i was kind of hoping that something different would happen. But whatever. Like i said, they deserve it i can't even be mad.

And now, i'm sitting in my room at my desk trying to study Normal Distributions. Correction trying to simply FOCUS on normal distributions. It's not going well. Obviously.
Whatever. I just gotta get through one more test and then i can be done and pack up my shit and go home and stop being strong and keeping myself together because someone will be around to take care of me when i lose my fucking mind.

It's going to happen soon.

remember that time....

2009-03-05T02:32:00.003-05:00

Remember that time that i thought i had enough interesting shit to write about that i thought it would be a good idea to start a blog??

And then remember that OTHER time where i had trouble keeping up with it because college is being well, college and bubble blaster and life and relationships of various sorts and events were distracting me?
OH YEA that would be now.

It snowed for ONCE in Richmond on sunday/monday. It NEVER snows here. It will snow in all the neighboring counties, but it will totally avoid the city. But we got a good 4 inches or so sunday evening and it was INCREDIBLE!! We had a snowball fight on our street, and there was a HUGE snowball fight in the park, and we built a snowman in front of the cancer center and on our back porch. And it was so awesome because everyone was just SO HAPPY and playing and being a kid. And suddenly all the tests and papers and stress didn't matter.
Then school got cancled on monday. THIS NEVER HAPPENS!! The streets were a mess and my exams got pushed back and everyone was just running around campus all day playing in the snow. I truly believe that having a snow day was one of the healthiest things to happen to VCU in a long time. It was like seeing the stress just evaporate out of everyone and smiles form on their faces. And the fact that i had to study didn't even matter because i knew there was snow outside.

Now, it's all melting. The city is still a gross slushy mess but it's supposed to be in the 70's on saturday. If this isn't a sign of global warming then i don't know what is.

So my chem test that was supposed to be on monday was today. it went well. My interpersonal relationships exam that was supposed to be on tuesday is tommorrow ALONG with my personality midterm *gun to head* and my stats test is on friday *fire gun again*.
AND THEN IT'S SPRING BREAK.

I'm going home friday because i'm just gonna want to get the hell out of here. I don't really have huge plans for break, except catch up on the sleep that's been running away from me and enjoy an empty house.

Goals:
- SLEEP
- get haircut (i'm lookin a lil shaggy)
- go grocery shopping.
- go shopping in general. Try and convince mom to pay
- hang out with important people who i miss
- convince my brother to get his shit together
- POSSIBLY visit soco? this is a huge maybe.
- visit work
- MAIL PACKAGE. This is very important!!!!!
- figure out summer plans. Stay in richmond? Go home? What type of job? etc etc
- figure out car situation
- start trying to find movies for my abnormal psych paper
- RELAXXXX. Luckily, all my exams are right before break so i don't have anything to worry about! YAY

On a few other random notes, I'm suddenly super into trying to find my Power Animal. If you don't know what this means, google it because i don't feel like explaining right now. But my friend asked his to come out and play with him and it revealed itself to him in a dream! Like fight club where he goes in the cave and it's a fox! I'm super jealous and am gonna ask mine to reveal itself to me.
Don't ask why this is so important to me, because i really can't give you an answer.
Part of me just thinks its stress. But whatever.

Also, i decided that i'm not happy with my blog layout. So over the break (when the internet is more reliable) i will be tweaking how it looks and stuff. Makeover!! Don't be surprised if it's something drastic. I'm at a point in my life where i crave change.

i actually crave a lot of things right now, but that is a different post for a different day. Right now i need to sleep because i have abnormal psych in 6 hours and 2 exams.

One last thing: if you haven't already, please youtube Mr. Chi City. You will not be disappointed. Hit me with that dun dun dun DUN!

fail fail faaaail

2009-02-22T23:08:00.001-05:00

i have ANOTHER statistics test tomorrow. And i'm not ready. Again. YAAAY FOR FAILING. What is it about the second semester that my motivation just flies away and doesn't come back??

i'm watching the oscars right now and the musical numbers are making me very happy except that i hate zac effron. Thats really it more lata

i need to get my shit together

2009-02-17T22:18:00.002-05:00

i haven't done like anything that i need to do. i'm way behind on all my reading even though i'm TRYING to catch up. And i legit failed my last Stats test. And my stuff is like all over the place and my room is a mess. Fail fail fail.

Also, law and order SVU is super intense right now. This transgender kid tried to kill his dad. And i'm def getting sick. I swear to god if i got mono from molly i'm gonna bust some heads....

Soul Meets Body

2009-02-12T01:23:00.002-05:00

Things i should be doing right now:

- stupid 2 page interpersonal relationships 323 paper
- sleeping.

What i'm currently doing:

- eating leftover chili made by mom
- accompanied by fritos
- listening to Plans by death cab for cutie
- pondering my life

i've decided that i'm starting over. And doing whatever the hell i want. And have since come up with a short list of goals that i am going to pursue. They are as follows:

- find an internship. Preferably a paid one. I would LOVE to have one this summer but i know application deadlines are soon and haven't really found anything that i like.

- find a job that DOESN'T involve working for my father. Sorry, not doing it again this summer.

- study abroad. i wish the info sessions weren't during when i had class.

- persuade the parentals to let me have a car at school. And if that doesn't work, start the process of buying my own car.

- travel travel travel

So far, that's it. I'll add more later.

Trash

2009-02-10T23:58:00.003-05:00

So i have a statistics test tomorrow that i really don't know how to do anything. And a paper due thursday where i'm on like page 5 of the 20 page article i have to write said paper on. So, naturally i'm fucking around watching shitty tv.

i decided at 10 i was gonna break from statistics to watch law and order SVU. But to my disappointment it wasn't on, Dateline was on with a super exclusive interview with the mom of the octuplets. Now, besides the fact that this woman seems very psychotic and i'm concerned about the whole how the hell she's going to support 14 kids thing, i personally think she's got something else goin on up there.
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS SHE LOOKS LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE??? She clearly has had some sort of plastic surgery done, look at those lips!! She probably like, not only is obsessed with having children but thinks she can pull an angelina jolie and just have 500 kids and everyone will adore her and support her and she'll get her own show like john and kate plus 8.
SIIIIKE.
ok 1) angelina jolie is married (to brad pitt that lucky bitch) and this woman is not. So while it's possible her and brad will split (dear lord i hope not) there will at least be a father there for the kids. 2) angelina also is freaking rich as hell, not living in her parents house off of welfare and student loans (which, bee tee dub you have to pay back!! it's not free money!!) so her kids are in a much better economic situation where they're being taken care of properly and will be sure to get all the things (diapers, proper nutrition) that they need. Crazy crazy crazy. If i were angelina i would be mortified.

i also was watching the premier of "from g's to gents" which is another crappy mtv reality show that i for some reason can tolerate. It's all about these "g's" that go on this show and are turned into gentlemen by fansworth bently. It's really quite terrible yet awesome at the same time. Like these dudes make damn FOOLS out of themselves. This one guy "riff raff" has "weave" in his hair that's yarn. Colored yarn. He's white. I'm not making this up.

The back to the future movies are being re released on dvd. I want them. I just saw the commercial.

Okay so NOW i'm watching TLC because i sort of missed the duggar wedding when it premiered so i wanted ot watch it again plus there isn't anything else on. And there's an ad for one of those obscure sunday night documentaries titled "worlds heaviest man gets married" and from what i can tell he just like, has this giant portable bed that's decorated all weddingy and people like are rolling him around at his wedding! like he doesn't even get out of the bed!! how the HELL did he find someone to marry him? gross.

On another random note, the kids getting married on the duggar wedding haven't kissed had sex nothing! they're like 20 or something. Their kiss at their wedding will be their first!!! obsure.

Also, if someone could buy me this, i would be very very excited. Thanks.

Sober House

2009-02-05T22:23:00.002-05:00

So i don't know if you picked up on this, but i am OBSESSED with shows about addiction. It absolutely fascinates me, perhaps it's personal experience or something i don't know. I love the shows invervention, celebrity rehab with dr. drew (my hero), sober house, etc. And right now Andy Dick has come to the sober house and i absolutely love him and i am all sorts of excited about a topic i PROBABLY shouldn't be excited about. But seriously, Dr. Drew Pinsky is one of my heros. And he's really good looking.

This weekend is homecoming. N.E.R.D concert is tomorrow, chill and grill is on saturday along with the basketball game (william and mary you're going down). Also jeff is coming up from tech this weekend to help his brother move into his apartment so we're going to hang out and that will be good to catch up. This weekend SHOULD be fun unless something goes horribly wrong.
LAST weekend was really fun considering there wasn't really anything going on. i got... smashed. i mean i don't think i've ever been this drunk before; falling all over the place, being dragged/carried home, thinking that boys i KNOW aren't attractive were really cute, practically passing out on someone elses couch, and not remember various other things that happened. All things i'm not particularly proud of, but at the same time it was nice for once to not be taking care of other people and have them take care of me.

Monday we played charades for like 2 hours and it was really fun. And i laughed a lot and it was great and something new to do. Methinks it's gonna be a regular.

i hate hate HATE the video for beyonce's "diva". It's really terrible and sort of ruined a song that i really liked. The SONG is fucking hot. The video makes no sense. Also, she needs to get over the whole leotard thing. It's really not that impressive.

i found an internship/research program thing for the social sciences online at the University of Maryland. WITH a stipend!! But it's all "we're about diversity" which is great and all, but let's be honest that doesn't mean they'll let some middleclass white girl in. Probably decreases my chances of getting in. But the application is due feb 13th and requires 2 recommendations so i need to make some sort of decision IF i want to apply. Thoughts? i'm inclined to go for it.

Also, i decided to write the ex boyfriend a letter and put it in the box of his stuff that i'm sending back to him. i've started writing the draft. i'm not sure if this is a good idea, but i'm doin it anyway.

25 Things About Me

2009-02-03T20:23:00.002-05:00

1. i am constantly reminded that life is full of surprises. A new chapter in my life is beginning and i am so excited and curious yet absolutely terrified and sad at the same time.

2. At 20 years old, i have carpal tunnel syndrome.

3. If you asked me what my plan was 2 years ago, i would've said Dance Major with dreams of dancing in a modern company. Now, i'm a psychology major who's considering working with drug addicts.

4. I'm learning to control my big mouth. It's HARD. i always feel the need to share my opinion or tell someone what i know and a lot of times i come of as rude because of it. I don't do it on purpose, it's just the way i am. If i start to interrupt you or say something i shouldn't, just tell me and i'll stop.

5. i've sent in multiple secrets to postsecret

6. i love super awesome, super crappy movies. Like you got served, lifetime movies, anything that gets shown on Vh1, etc.

7. i'm always on the lookout for new music. Think you got something i'd like? Send it to me, i'll try anything once.

8. The try anything once goes for food too. Unless it has any sort of eye type thing associated with it. This INCLUDES fish that still have the head attached.

9. Speaking of fish, i don't like to eat it. there are VERY few exceptions to my dislike of seafood

10. i appreciate a good joke/prank even if it's at my expense. if it's funny, i'll probably laugh.

11. Speaking of jokes, i like dead baby jokes. i KNOW they're absolutely terrible. But for some horrible reason i laugh anyway

12. I like to have fun in OTHER ways besides getting hammered. This includes charades, board games, going places, etc. Not to say that getting hammered isn't fun too...

13. i think that everyone just needs to back the fuck off Michael Phelps. Yes, he screwed up and will have to live with that for the rest of his life. But let's just think about all the 23 (?) year olds we know, and what THEY'RE doing on the weekends. And they don't have ANY Olympic gold medals.

14. i have 15 years of dance training. And my college friends don't understand that part of my life because they never witnessed it. I miss dance everyday.

15. i appreciate art. Something else a lot of people don't get about me, because i'm not an art student. I almost was...

16. i HATE HATE HATE olive garden commercials, because everyone in them acts like a total idiot.

17. i HATE idiots. Even though sometimes i do idiotic things

18. My favorite flavor is Red

19. I'm good at describing smells. Weird i know...

20. i'll sacrifice a lot (such as looking good/eating) to get more sleep in the morning.

21. The things that i regret are almost always things i had no control over. Such as accidents, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or just NOT being able to control the situation.

22. i have a hetero life partner name patricia. We share soul, and are the kind of best friends where no one else knows what the hell we're talking abot.

23. i have ODD obsessions. Including but not limited to raptors, tina chen, ghosts, trashy reality shows, and secret trois on youtube.

24. i am TERRIBLE at abandoning people i care about, even if they've hurt me in terrible ways. i might get mad, stop talking to you for awhile, or try and cut you out of my life, but if i truly care about you i will NEVER be able to just walk away.

25. i'm a saggitarius through and through. It's kind of scary how well it describes me....

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

2009-01-30T01:08:00.005-05:00

I haven't been on here in 5,000 years. And for that, i apologize. A lot has happened these past 2 weeks. And i mean A LOT a lot. As in i can't believe that it's only actually been 2 weeks because it feels like it's been 2 months a lot.

We have a new president. Like he's ACTUALLY president, residing in the white house. That's gonna take awhile to get used to.

During this "time of change", things were changing in my life as well. (Please ignore the incorrect grammar in previous sentence). A new semester started, and i'm still adjusting to everything and trying to figure out how much work each class is going to ACTUALLY take and how much sleep i can survive on. I'm still having SERIOUS doubts about my personality "and personal growth" (wtf?) class.

Also, during this time me and my boyfriend of 2 years and some change split up. Did i see it coming? No. i feel as though i've been hit by a train. Not only have we been in a serious relationship for AWHILE, we've also known each other forever and have quite a bit of past history. And when i mean "forever" i mean met in elementary school can't remember when/exactly how we met forever. i know him very very well, and he knows me. I'll spare you all the messy details, but he needed "a break" to get his life together. And i was sad and upset. And then, i discovered what i consider to be the ultimate betrayal and we went from being on a break to broken up (this is the very short version). Is it forever? I don't know. I hope not, but at the same time maybe this needed to happen, maybe we needed to get away and really see what was happening outside of us. I believe that if we are meant to be together, we will be in the end.

It hurts. That's the only thing i can say, is that i'm HURT in multiple ways. I'm working on this whole forgiveness thing, but at the same time i'm determined to never have this happen to me ever again. What hurts even more, is that i still miss him and love him and wish he was here with me right now, and that deep down i know he's a good guy who just made a mistake. Does that really make it okay? No. But this would be a lot easier to deal with if he was a total asshole and treated me like absolute shit. And he didn't. And i still care about him and i know he's hurting but i can't be there for him right now. And that just sucks even more. And we weren't able to share the joy of welcoming the new administration, something we should've been celebrating together, because we were on such rocky terms.
However, i'm holding up relatively well. I went through a week of being completely miserable and skipping assorted classes and laying in bed watching desperate housewives. I went home this past weekend and that helped a LOT. It felt good to just be there and talk to my mom about everything and get various perspectives. I'm currently continuing to live my life, despite being constantly reminded of him and wanting to talk to him. But such is the way of a hard break up.

I'm currently in the "eating your feelings stage". But that's fine. My metabolism is keeping up.

The trust that has been built up over the years, the image that i've held in my heart and my head has been shattered. And hopefully one day will be restored, although that will be a very long and intense journey.

BUT IN OTHER NEWS.

i didn't make STRUT this year and i'm fucking pissed, because i had a good try out and i made it last year. It's totally disappointing because i REALLY wanted to do it this year because it looks absolutely wild. Bummed bummed bummed. CAN'T CATCH A FUCKING BREAK.

Also, the chief of VCU police has been arrested for soliciting a minor online. Like legit CAUGHT in a sting operation. He thought he was talking to a 14 year old. Trying to solicte sex. HI THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! Not only is this creepy and weird and terrible, but way to make VCU look bad YET AGAIN!!! i mean, if you can't trust the people who are supposed to protect you, who can you trust?? As i've learned earlier these past few weeks, you can't trust anyone. And that's just terrible. VCU needs to do some SERIOUS house cleaning, because there are some shady ass characters here that need to be disposed of. We really can't afford anymore fuck ups and bad press. Especially since student safety is something that the school prides itself on. Read for more details here.

What else. Anything else? i don't think so. That's the brief update on where i've been. Deeper/better stuff later. I just wanted the world to know that i'm not dead, and coping.

"Trust is like a vase... once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be the same again"

Don inarrupt. Rude!

2009-01-28T02:02:00.002-05:00

This game was totally unfair. The refs were bullshittin it. Wonder how much they got paid.

i'm very excited

2009-01-12T16:41:00.002-05:00

there's already talk of shutting down Guantanamo Bay. Within Obama's firs week in office. SCORE SCORE SCORE.

Also, the Bishop Gene Robinson is in charge of the Invocation on Sunday at the lincoln memorial. For those who don't know, this is the Episcopal Church's openly gay bishop that has struck up a lot of controversy within the church. Being Episcopalian, this directly affects me. This is sure to stir up some controversy, especially at home.

very very excited. Look like the new prez might actually come through!

Never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee

2009-01-06T00:21:00.005-05:00

So i don't know how many of you get the Washington Post, or how many out of those who do get the post read the Washington Post Magazine on Sundays, but when i'm home i like to read the newspaper in particularly the comics and the magazine which comes every sunday. Well this Sunday the main article was titled "Lives to Remember" and it was the life stories of 11 people who died in 2008 who are local to the area. These people are not famous or well known, in fact they are relatively unknown. But the lives they lived were extraordinary.

One man was a CIA agent in Russia during the Cold War, another a 22 year old girl who was determined to have a real wedding before losing her life to liver cancer 33 days later, yet another was a civil rights activist. So many incredible stories about the lives of the unknown. However the one that was the most interesting to me was about a doctor who worked at the Lorton Prison.
I live near the lorton prison, and my highschool was built on the property after the prison closed down. I was even lucky enough to go inside on a photography field trip before they started tearing down/renovating the facility to make it an Arts Center. It was an incredible experience that i'll never forget. So anyway this man was a doctor with a private practice who worked nights at the prison as their pysician. The story was all about how he truly cared for all of his patients, even "sugar bear" an inmate who the rest of the staff was terrified of. He could've been making the big bucks in a huge private practice and instead he kept it small, caring about local residents and the "scum of the earth" inmates. And that really touched me. And at his funeral, countless patients and former inmates showed up to pay their respects. He truly made a difference in so many lives and was loved by everyone. That's the kind of life i want to live.

And then this past weekend i also saw the movie The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (by the way it's REALLY long and i still haven't really decided if i liked it or not) and it got me thinking about death. The basic plot of the movie is this man Benjamin who is born old, and gets younger as he ages. So when he's 7 years old his body is that of an 80 year old man, and by the time he dies he's a baby. But at the beggining of the movie, they're not sure how much time he has to live, and someone asks him if he's scared to die and he just says "I'm not really scared, just curious. There's nothing wrong with old age. "

Curious.

And this got me thinking about life and death. Everyone talks about living a fulfilling life, making money, being happy, having a family, whatever. But you never know when you're time is going to come. It could be tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, 5 years from now, ANYTIME. I'm not preaching "our time here is short" because we all know this and it's very cliche. My point is that our time on earth is uncertain. Death does not discriminate. We all die. It is one thing that all humans have in common.
Alot of people are scared of death. I used to be one of them. And i think i was afraid because it's the unknown. Everyone has a belief about what happens to you when you die, whether its heaven or hell or reincarnation or fertilizer for a tree or whatever. But no one knows what ACTUALLY happens and that's why people are afraid. They're also afraid because they're worried they won't accomplish everything they wanted to. That they'll never start a successful business or be famous or become a CEO of a major corporation or publish a book or some big goal. But this article/movie got me thinking that even ordinary people live extraordinary lives. And while it might not be big and well known and glamorous, it doesn't make ones life less valuable than another persons.
So now i've decided that i'm not AFRAID of dying, because it's going to happen no matter what. And in the end i have no control over it. But i am extremely CURIOUS as to what death/dying is like. And i don't want to know ahead of time what it's going to be like. I want it to be an adventure, a new page. An epilogue.

Value what you have now. Pursue your dreams and live your life because you are not less valuable just because you're not on TV. It is the everyday people that lead the most impressive lives.

So i have some things i want to talk about

2009-01-04T00:15:00.004-05:00

Or maybe it's more like rant about? Whatever. The first issue is: THE SIZING OF WOMENS CLOTHING!!!

Okay now ladies, i KNOW you've encountered this issue. Some stores carry even sizes (2, 4, 6, 8 etc) others carry odd (0, 1, 3, 5, 7 etc), some carry both (4/5, 6/7, 8/9) and then SOME start out odd, but then as the size goes up they numbers turn even. And of course, the sizes are not standard. So while you might own a dress that's a size 4, you might also own one that's a 6 or an 8 or a 2 or a 5, because every store is different. And just when you've KIND of figured out the approximate range so you can accurately try things on, you encounter a store that goes by waist measurements or something (h&m) and are all thrown off. Don't even get me started on the whole small, medium, large thing because THAT is just anyones guess.
So i'm sure you're like "well, that's why you try things on." Okay DUH but this is not the point. When someone asks you your size because they're trying to buy you a gift or something, i bet you always say "well, it depends. A [medium] usually fits, or a [6] or an [8], but if it's pants than make sure they're long enough" and, if this person is a man, they just look at you and shake their head thinking "women make everything so damn complicated" BUT IT'S NOT OUR FAULT!!! And online shopping? That is literally a gamble unless you've tried something from the store/similar item on and know that it's going to fit.
However, MENS clothing on the one hand is far less complicated. Everything goes by waist size, so they know that if they're a 36 than a 36 pair of pants or whatever from essentially ANY store will fit. And if they're an XL, than an XL shirt etc. is going to fit from essentially ANY store. It is far less complicated. So why can't women's clothing be like this? Hrmmm?
I know i know "every woman is different" but the reality is that i should be able to say with confidence what my size is and know that said clothing item will probably fit. Yes a little tailoring might be needed for some, or in my case i just know i HAVE to by "long" pants/jeans. But can someone explain how, at target today, i bought 2 pairs of leggings. And one pair was from the "juniors" or w/e dept. and was a size medium. The other pair were from the GIRLS dept, and a size 10/12. AND THE ONES FROM THE GIRLS DEPARTMENT FIT ME BETTER!!?!?!?? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? THEY'RE LEGGINGS, AND I'M 20 YEARS OLD LOOKING CRAZY CRUISING THE GIRLS DEPARTMENT AT TARGET!!!
Bra sizing is standard. Shoe size is standard. Mens clothing is standard. So retailers of the world, i propose to you that you STANDARDIZE womens clothing!! I don't care how you do it, just put us all out of our misery!

now i can't even remember what else i was going to talk about.... so worked up...

edit:

ok i remember now. The other thing i wanted to simply say was that Kanye West is losing his mind. i like his music, even if he seems to be kind of an asshole. He's different and creative and clearly very talented. His new album is very different and powerful, but i also think it's a sign that he's going insane. Like tragedy insane. Like potential find him dead one day insane. I also think Beyonce is slowly on the decline. I think she's about to peak and the whole changing her name thing to "sasha fierce" is a sign that something insane is about to happen. I could be totally wrong, but that's just what i think.

Also, i'm absolutely sick of people not knowing how to drive. Common sense and a turn signal people, that's all it takes!!

cool shit

2009-01-03T18:44:00.003-05:00

Face stickers for all your inanimate objects.

Bacon Band-Aids. They have a BUNCH of them, including lips, tattoos, pickles, toast, etc. Incredible.

Mini robot vacuum. Cleans up crumbs!!

Dogs Eye View camera. Attach it to your furry friend's collar, set it to take pictures at intervals, and then see what they've been doing all day while you were gone!!

USB cassett. Make a mix tape out of mp3s, give it as a gift, and they can plug it in and listen!

Finger plates! cool right? now you can hold your drink and eat your food without having to find a place to perch anything...

All items can be found at fredflare.com

Sittin, Waitin, Wishin...

2008-12-28T21:24:00.003-05:00

I'm back on the sticky keyboard again. My brother eats in here so much there is all sorts of grossness stuck in the keys. nasty.

ANYWAY. Yesterday the aunt and uncle and cousin from PA were here, and we went to DC to the museum of American History. I wasn't dreading it or anything because my mom and dad had been a few years ago before they closed it to remodel it and said it was pretty cool, and i knew that they had the ruby slippers and the gowns of all the first ladies etc. So i was kinda like "okay at least it's not the portrait gallery or something" (i absolutely HATE that place) and willingly went along. I did drag the boyfriend with me, i needed an ally or it would've been totally terrible. PLUS he made me sit through learning how to solve a rubiks cube (which i successfully did BTW) and this was totally payback because i know he hates museums.

So we get there and it is PACKED, because everyone else in VA/MD has family visiting and is taking them into DC to visit various museums. And i don't do crowds and stupid people and just... yea. So we walk through some random exhibits that weren't that interesting. And then we split up and the girls go see the first ladies exhibit and the americana/ruby slippers exhibit and the boys head off to the military history exhibit. I was really disappointed in the first ladies exhibit because i KNEW they had all these gowns and were supposedly redoing the exhibit, only it wasn't as big as i expected and they only had like prolly 12 gowns. They had other accessories and china and stuff but i was really bummed cuz i was expecting this sweeping exhibit with a gown from almost every presidency. Also, they weren't in chronological order? Or any order at all for that matter, it was super weird. The americana exhibit wasn't that cool either. Saw the ruby slippers, kermit the frog, oscar the grouch, and some other things but that exhibit was really small too. I'm assuming they have more stuff, but they need to put it out!
Overall, i was very dissapointed in the whole museum because i was expecting a lot of artifacts but they didn't seem to have a lot of stuff. There were a lot of pictures and videos etc. but that's not what i wanna see! i want to see actual things on the subject of the exhibit! I SUPPOSE they're still in the process of redoing it, and intend to add more to all the exhibits (because the ones i saw were quite small) but the museum is HUGE!! You probably couldn't see everything you wanted to in one day. If you're thinking about going, i suggest you go when people are back at work/school so it's not so crowded, and maybe even postpone your visit till they add more stuff.

SO we get back from DC and it was all gravy and i had a relatively good time. But the family fun is not over! We THEN had to hop in the car and drive down to Orange, Virginia (yes that is a real place) to visit the grandparents and have dinner. I drove. And 95 was pure hell, bumper to bumper essentially the entire way. And then when we FINALLY got there, my grandma hadn't even cooked! They ordered BBQ! Now i love bbq and everything, but i was REALLY hoping for some grandma cooking, at least dessert or something.
NADA.
So i sat around and watched football and skyped with my aunt/uncle/little cousin out in Seattle. And then sat in the car for another hour and half to come home. It was great....

TOday i slept in (yay!) and went to the nail salon and watched The Shining. Tomorrow i'm FINALLY getting my haircut and hanging out with colin for a photo shoot and don't have to work! And am doing laundry, so that i have clothes to wear to New Jersey. ANOTHER family experience i'm not looking forward to...

i was GOING to head over to the BFs house but it appears that right now that's not a good idea so i think i'm gonna get back to coloring my giant poster/mural of pirates of the Caribbean that tricia got me for christmas. Lataaaaa

Mele Kalikimaka

2008-12-26T16:56:00.002-05:00

FYI that ^ means "merry christmas" in Hawaiian. On a side note i love love and miss hawaii, and would seriously consider moving back there. Probably not permanently, but at least for awhile.

I'm currently sitting downstairs (NOT on my laptop!) awaiting the arrival of my aunt and uncle from PA, and for the boy to get here. Hopefully he comes before they do so i can prepare him. Typing on a real keyboard is kinda weird right now, also the space bar and letter "a" are sticking. But i digress....

Christmas was splendid. I baked cookies and pies and they turned out pretty tasty. I received some much needed things, such as an external hard drive. I also got a SLANKET!!!! and a bunch of sweaters, a super cute pair of dunks, and some other random things. Everyone liked the gifts i
got them which is good, i always kinda worry about it. My brother has worn the shirt i got him 2 days in a row now. I'd say that's pretty awesome. It's some swedish band or something. Vikings?

Today i worked a half day even though i wasn't really scheduled to because my dad "suggested" that i go in, and he also left his phone at home. And i need money. And it was a half day anyway so it wasn't bad. Then came home, changed, went to tricia's house for a brunch thing where i ate all her moms good food and talked about dance team memories with her and our former coach. It was great. She got me these pirate coloring MURALS and i can't wait to color them. I've left all my supplies at school but i think i might hijack my mom's markers just to color one of them.

Overall my break so far has been pretty alright. Tomorrow we're going to DC to go to the American History museum, then down to visit the GPs in Orange Virginia for dinner (...yay...)
i have all next week off, and am FINALLY getting my haircut on monday. which is great because it looks absolutely TERRIBLE right now.

That's really it. I'll prolly have lot's of adventures to share after tomorrow. Gonna be great....

The Vegans at Shafer

2008-12-21T12:33:00.002-05:00

nataliedee.com

I GOT AN A!!!!

2008-12-17T18:08:00.003-05:00

I GOT AN A IN ENGLISH 200!! WHICH MEANS I GOT AN A ON THAT GIANT PAPER!!!!!

i am so excited. all my hard work actually paid off. this made a rough day at work so much better.

GPA for this semester: 3.375 (not deans list, sigh....)
Cumulative GPA: 3.089 (up from a 2.5!)

WAAAAHHHOOOOOOO!!!!

HOLIDAY FAMILY FUN

2008-12-14T22:56:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

hahahaa

2008-12-14T22:26:00.000-05:00

Watch This. ESPECIALLY if you're a man.

The first time we hear about Bush in awhile, and it's about shoes being thrown at him

2008-12-14T21:19:00.001-05:00

Once Upon a Time,

2008-12-13T05:38:00.003-05:00

there was a girl, who at 5:38 am on the morning she was going home for the holidays had not yet come close to being finished packing. As she looked at the garbage bag along with a suitcase and duffle bag full of clothes with despair, she decided a blog post would be a smashing idea.
After all, sleep deprivation had been a sort of routine lately.
However, as she lay in her bed with her ears ringing, she realized that she was, in fact, tired. And rightfully so. Finals had been a rough 2 weeks, and sleep had been hard to come by. Luckily, caffeine and other things had NOT.
And so, on her 20th birthday which also happened to be the day of her last final, AND a day in which she stayed in the library until 6am, she decided that she needed a freaking break.
With the birthday activities relatively low-key due to finals etc, she went shopping, had a drink or two, and simply hung out with her friends.
One friend, brought over The Desperate Housewives all 4 seasons on DVD. And since the girl had only JUST started watching the show this season, catching up was a must. And so began 2 lovely days of sleeping and sitting around watching the wives, with not a care in the world as to which chapters to read or papers to write or making sure to be on time for class.
And it was glorious.

She also got her nails done and had an awkward encounter at the nail salon, but that is a story for another day.
And tonight (er rather, last night?) she went dancing with her friends. And didn't have to ward of any skeezy guys or worry about waking up with a hangover when her father picked her up (again).
And it was glorious.
She should, however, started packing a long time ago.....

Today

2008-12-10T11:27:00.001-05:00

i am 20 years old.

and taking my last exam.

happy birthday to me!! i'm halfway to 40!! Quarter life crisis anyone??

Prop 8: The Musical

2008-12-03T17:01:00.000-05:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Seriously

2008-12-03T01:20:00.002-05:00

nataliedee.com

The ultimate showdown

2008-12-02T15:38:00.001-05:00

Take THAT chuck norris!!

Myth: Busted

2008-12-02T02:56:00.004-05:00

i decided to do something related to what i'm currently studying. i'm tired of hearing people talk about stuff they don't know anything about, including "manipulating the system". With that, i give you some facts to make you think about our priorities as a country. If you are going to talk about "welfare" (which doesn't technically exist) and how the system is being manipulated, please educate yourself first.

Facts about Poverty, "Welfare", and Homelessness:

- 75% of homeless people have a job

- The largest single group "on welfare" is children -- about one in every four children under the age of 18 receives welfare benefits. America has the greatest level of child poverty anywhere in the industrialized world

- Programs under the Department of Social Services are: TANF, Food Stamps, and Medicaid

- In order to apply for benefits from D.S.S. you must have: all of your childrens' (and your own) Birth Certificates, Immunization records, and fill out various packets of paperwork. How many of you have a copy of your birth certificate and immunization records on hand?

- If you have a felony, you cannot recieve benefits

- TANF (Temporary Aid for Needy Families) provides benefits for a maximum of 2 years, starting when you first receive benefits.

- In order to be eligible for TANF, you MUST have a job. If you cannot for some reason have a job (ex. a 77 year old grandmother with 4 kids to raise) you must do volunteer work in place of a job.

- The only way Department of Social Services communicates is by mail. So if you don't have an address, tough shit.

- Welfare accounts for 1% of the federal budget, and about 2% of the state budget.

- The majority of women on welfare are white

- Families living on welfare live FAR below the poverty line. On TANF you recieve the following amount of assistance per month based on the number of kids:
:: 1 kid: $254
:: More than one: $320
:: 4 or more: a little over $400

- Homelessness can be defined as any person that doesn't have a permanent place to return to after being hospitalized, institutionalized, or living somewhere where you're not on the lease. This INCLUDES temporarily staying with family/friends until you move into your own place. IF YOU ARE LIVING THERE, AND NOT ON THE LEASE, THAN YOU ARE CONSIDERED HOMELESS.

- There is not a SINGLE location in the United States where housing is affordable on minimum wage ($6.15/hour).

And no, this is not shit i looked up on the internet. This is REAL shit from social work class. Legit. Educate yourself before you go preaching about something. Thanks.

A Prayer

2008-12-01T02:54:00.002-05:00

Dear Lord,

i know i haven't been the best person, but i've tried my hardest and i ask you, if you have ANY mercy that you will help me in this time of need. NOW would be the time to prove that you are, in fact, real. Please give me the strength and focus to get through these next 2 weeks. That i may finish my paper and that it may be good. And that i may also do well on all my exams. And that i may also not become too unpleasant, and get at least a little bit of sleep and not totally lose my mind. PLEASE help me in these final hours.

i also pray that the person who was in that accident on friday is alright, and that you are with him and his family in such a terrible time.

i dunno if you read blogs God, but i hope this one makes it up there because i need all the help i can get.

Amen.

These next 2 weeks:

2008-11-30T23:26:00.002-05:00

Don't expect me to be nice, or chatty, or looking cute.

- Tuesday 12/2 Social Work Final
- Thursday 12/4 Ethics Final
- Friday 12/5 FINAL ENGLISH 200 PAPER DUE (dear lord if you have any mercy you will help me in my hour of need)
- Monday 12/8 Anthropology Final
- Wednesday 12/10 Spanish Cumulative Final and BIRTHDAY

And then i'm done.

Jesus Christ the semester will be over for me. A week and a half of hell and then i don't know what.

It's business time....

The fosters float WOULD be the one Rick Rolled

2008-11-29T14:53:00.001-05:00

My two worlds colide...

Shaken

2008-11-29T02:42:00.002-05:00

So tonight (around 2am) i'm on my way home from my boyfriends house, and i'm almost home when i see this wrecked car in the barrier (it was the intersection of tripleridge and silverbrook) and i was like "hm that's kinda weird they wouldn't clean it up" and as i'm driving by i realize that there's something person-like sticking out of the windshield. I look around and cars are just driving by so i turn around in the CVS parking lot and pull up next to the car and sure enough, there's a guy halfway out of the broken windshield. So i call 911 and as i'm talking to the lady i see him moving (i guess he saw my blinkers or something) so i get out of the car and he's trying to get up and just going "help me help me" and the woman on the phone goes "okay EMS is on the way thank you" and hangs up. So i'm like do i stay till they get here or what? And its dark, and cold and cars are just driving by and the guy just keeps trying to move and saying "help me help me" and finally i'm like "i called 911 EMS is coming. Stop trying to move they're gonna get you out" but he's like, not listening to me. And finally, what seems like 5 years later although it was probably not even 3 minutes i see the flashing lights and the fire engine gets there and they just say thank you and tell me to leave.

And the fucking sick thing is, that i saw probably 3 cars drive right by, and then at least 2 more when i was in the car talking to 911 before this woman stopped to ask if i was okay and stuff, before she left when i said i was fine and that i was talking to the emergency people. Who KNOWS how long that guy had been there in the dark and the cold, probably slowly dying. People don't notice or care about fucking anything.

I know i did the right thing and that it's something to be proud of. But i really don't know how i'm going to sleep. It's kind of like last year at school when i saw that kid get hit by a car, and everytime i closed my eyes i heard/saw it. And both my parents are asleep and i can't talk to them about it until tomorrow. And now i have a headache.

Some break....

Cliche Thanksgiving Post

2008-11-27T02:46:00.002-05:00

'Tis the season. Things i'm thankful for:

- My friends. Without them i would be nothing. They keep me sane, make me laugh, and help me out. I absolutely love every single one of you guys with all my heart.

- My Family. They're fucking crazy (but who's isn't?) and drive me up the wall sometimes. But it's always good to be home and the debt can never be repaid.

- A home cooked meal. College has it's perks, missing out on mom's cooking isn't one of them. i cannot WAIT to absolutely gorge myself.

- My education. I love school, and am so lucky to have the opportunity to further my education and study something i love. And get the "college experience" as well.

- This country. For coming together and electing the right leader despite everything.

- Chapstick (i feel like this is self explanatory)

- Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and Legally Blonde. My remedy for all things sad.

- My Boo (duh). Because he puts up with me and still loves me even though sometimes i make it REALLY hard. Because he would've gotten me a puppy had it not been for some "discussion" with my father, and helps me make 15 turkey hats because my mom INSISTS that we have them, and plays video games with my brothers even though i know he'd rather be doing other things.

- The internet. But seriously i don't think i could live without it and its sad.

- Veggie Trays. With ranch. i could live off of them

- Coffee (i'm in college, remember?)

- My tomato plant. For proving that i can do it, and that it tastes SO much better when you've grown it yourself

- Spell Check. I'd sound like a complete idiot with out it.

- Calculators. Because i don't have enough fingers.

- My Sanity. It's still hangin in there, haven't totally lost it yet.

- Experience. I've been through some rough times and some really really good times in my life. And i think that my life experience has shaped me into the person i am today and i am incredibly thankful for that. Life has taught me some lessons (although i know it's not done yet) and i'm not even 20 years old! (getting close though) i am glad that i have had the experiences that i've had, and wouldn't change anything given the chance.

This is ridiculous....

2008-11-25T13:15:00.001-05:00

yet hilarious at the same time...

"Wait, i didn't think that ACTUALLY happened.."

2008-11-24T00:07:00.002-05:00

So, this weekend was really fun. Like the most fun i've had in awhile because i've been so stressed out lately that i haven't really been able to do much besides school.

Friday me and shayla decided to throw k'shonda a surprise birthday party (her REAL birthday is today) so we forced thomas to get her out of the house for a few hours, while me and kelsey set shit up because shayla had to work. And then it was like 1040 and i had this moment of panic because no one was here yet and k-pup was supposed to come around 11, and then suddenly ALL these people showed up at once, and we crammed them all into our kitchen (which isn't verry large) to wait for her to get home. So when she gets home shayla leads her to the kitchen and we open the door and all yell SURPRISE and she like JUMPED it was sooo awesome. And then the drinking/dancing/partying commenced and i had a really good time.

And then Saturday i got up and worked on my paper all day. I didn't finish it but i submited it to be workshopped. Its like 5 pages long. I'm royally fucked but i can work on it over break and then the week after and hopefully i'll get some good feedback tomorrow to help me. So i submitted it despite being very incomplete and then kelsey came over and we went to Mikes house for his birthday party. And we were told there would be jello wrestling so we came prepared with bathing suits. And then we drank some liquid courage and wrestled. And it was really fun and really slippery and really really REALLY cold. And then there was a group shower with all the competitors (no nakedness!) and we got dressed and came home to change. And i had a blasty blast but the boyfriend got mad when i posted pics so i had to take them off facebook. I will post a few here though in a lil bit. It was like a movie. Like i didn't think shit like that ACTUALLY happened in real life...

And then today i sat around all day, then went to church, then watched like 3 lifetime movies. And should probably be figuring out my answers to my questions for my "oral interview" tomorrow in spanish class but that can wait.

I'm really glad i had a good weekend, because this is pretty much my last weekend to party seeing as how finals are literally a week away for me. I don't regret it i just hope some of the PLDs i made don't come back and bite me in the ass and that the slightly red tint i have comes out soon. THANKSGIVING IS SO SOON THANK GOD.

PS i heard that Twilight movie wasn't even that good. So all you vampire maniacs just need to CALM. DOWN. Thanks.

I'm on a fucking roll...

2008-11-22T18:46:00.003-05:00

Just call me butter.

ENGLISH 200 I'M COMIN FOR YA!!!!! AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

more later

It's not official, untill there's a commemorative plate...

2008-11-21T18:50:00.001-05:00

i saw this at shafer today and almost died. This is the good version. Full of happy people. LOLOLOLOL

The 703 embarrasses me YET again...

2008-11-20T15:32:00.003-05:00

Okay. Now, i have seen some pretty STUPID ass stuff come out of the 703 area (that's northern virgina/NOVA in case ya'll don't know) but this takes the cake. Like, seriously guys? i mean i know Woodbridge or "Hoodbridge" isn't the best of places in the 703 area code, but this isn't the projects people. I'm gonna let the video speak for itself...

THINGS THAT I FIND HUMEROUS ABOUT THIS VIDEO:

- they shot most of it in the COMMUTER LOT off of I-95
- The nationals flags on the cars
- The ugly ass "snow bunny" that is featured. i'm offended...
- The random ass neighborhoods/potomac mills/DALE CITY LANES/shopping centers featured
- "PG raised me".... enough said...
- they don't live anywhere NEAR the damn metro
- random white guy in the commute lot with his stunna shades on
- Dale City is called "the friendliest little city around"
- Prince William County is the 10th richest county. Loudon and Fairfax being numbers 1&2. Also, the city from the NOVA area that makes the FBI crime list is ALEXANDRIA!! NOT WOODBRIDGE!!

Ya'll need to take your dumbasses BACK to Hylton and Gar-Field highschool. No one's ever heard of you so stop tryin to put NOVA, much less "Hoodbridge" on the map.

I'm not saying nova/woodbridge/etc doesn't have a gang problem, or no ones ever been killed, or anything like that. But really now? This is just ridic....

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

2008-11-20T09:59:00.002-05:00

It's been like a week since my last entry but tough bananas because i've been a busy little beehive. The semester is coming to a rapid end (yikes!) and school has not been kind to me. Multiple exams and papers later, i'm trying to stay on the grind but my motivation seems to be trying to take a vacation. My draft of my 15 page paper is due friday (that's tomorrow ya'll!) and i currently have a page written. Whompity whomp whomp whomp. On monday however, after my exam i had a good talk with mom about things, and i really just have to push through to the end. Thanksgiving is a week away and i know people who are going home already! But i have too much to do before then, and even then this "break" isn't going to be one because i have almost all my finals the week we get back.
By the way, the whole point of having an "exam period" is to TAKE EXAMS!! While having one class with an exam earlier than finals is nice, having 4 is not. Because you don't get that extra time that comes with not having to go to class. i mean all i'm sayin is that it's really not fair to us students.
Anyway. Last night i went to bed at like 9 because i was falling asleep and had an 8am and maybe attempted to get my sleep cycle back to normal. I did absolutely nothing yesterday, and it was a total waste. Because, as i've stated, i have a lot of shit to do. I really need to just buckle down and do it. Bla bla bla whatever let's talk about something positive.

Cool things that are going on in my life:

- i've officially become a psychology major. And have chosen it with total confidence that it's the right thing for me.
- i got all the classes i wanted (except for modern dance) for next semester. My schedule isn't looking too bad either.
- On saturday i went with people from church to Summerhill elementary school to paint their courtyard. It was really fun because we got to paint whatever we wanted. What SUCKED was that it was the day of the stupid Richmond Marathon and it took us a good hour and some change to get there, and then back home again. What a dumb idea.
- I've also started helping out with caritas at church, where we do intake for the program. Basically homeless guys who have signed up for the program come in and hang out for a hour or so until the buses come and take them to their various churches for the night. So i hang out with homeless guys and play cards. They taught me how to play spades. It's really fun. If you want to get involved let me know, campus ministry has thursdays.
- Got a brace for my Carpal Tunnel. Computer work is more bearable now
- I'm going to be 20 in 3 weeks. Holy crap.
- i got a B on my ethics exam! The one i had to make up!
- Thanks to my amazing roommate, i got a ticket to see Bill Cosby. It's totally random that he's coming here, especially for free, but i'm excited because i love him and i have a horrible feeling he's going to die soon. Hilarity will ensue.

Thanks to the stupid animal planet, i've decided that i NEED to acquire a German Shepherd puppy. They are smart, loyal, easy to train, adapt well to urban environments, good guard dogs, not to mention ADORABLE.

LOOK AT THAT LITTLE FACE!!! Purebreds are super super expensive, but there are tons that need to be adopted and rescued, which is what i would do. I believe in adopting and rescuing dogs unless you are planning on using them for show and absolutely NEED purebred. Why pay all that money when there is a dog equally as good that needs to be rescued? I'm currently campaigning people (parents, boyfriend, GP's) to get me one for christmas. But if i don't get one, i'll probably just find one down here and adopt it. CURSE YOU ANIMAL PLANET!! i wasn't even intentionally watching it! Whenever i watch animal planet i get all animal activisty and it's never a good scene.

Also, i've recently discovered that i really really like Regina Spector. So if you have some of her music and are tryin to share, i wouldn't be mad.

More laterrrrrrrrrrrr

The YES Dance

2008-11-14T01:52:00.000-05:00

i must learn it....

THE BEST TUESDAY EVER

2008-11-11T22:28:00.002-05:00

Normally, tuesdays aren't good for me. I have both an 8am and a 3 hour long night class, along with a regular class during the day. I also usually spend most of my day reading and doing homework. Let's just say the HIGHLIGHT of my tuesday is the fact that Law and Order SVU comes on (which i'm currently missing right now).
NOT TODAY HOWEVER!

The fact that i couldn't fall asleep last night (again) was made better by the fact that my 8am was CANCELED!!! Giving me yet another day to prepare for the exam i missed last week (eek what a mess) and the chance to sleep in until 11. When i woke up, i was pleased to discover that my food baby from last night was gone.

Spanish, was spanish. Who cares about that class. I then went to Shafer as usual and they had a BAKED POTATOE BAR!! AND IT WAS AMAZING!! i got cheese, broccoli, chillie, and bacon on mine. And it was good. The mac n cheese was all right too. Came home, typed some emails, took a nap, did some homework, and debated skipping my night class to go to STRUT workshop.

THANK GOD I WENT!! It was the coolest class EV-ER.

My teacher brought in 6 guys who are recovering addicts, currently in residential treatment at Rubicon. We were broken up into 3 smaller groups and got to talk to them and hear their stories and advice and it was INCREDIBLE. One of them is a VCU student! In the social work program! It was truly an amazing experience, and i was lucky that i got to experience it. I was so excited i could barely stay seated.
I already pretty much knew that was the population i wanted to work with. However this really set it in stone for me. I'm interested in criminal and abnormal psychology and all that stuff, but what i really want to do is help people. If you know me well enough, you can probably guess that personal experience has helped to direct me to this path. And if you don't know what i'm talking about and are curious, ask me sometime. But this pretty much made me decide i want to be an addiction counseler. I know they make shit money (unless you're Dr. Drew, my hero) but i don't see addicts as some guy homeless on the street. They weren't always like that. You never know what backround an addict has, where they came from, how they got there, or why. You find them in the most suprising places. Hell, you could know one right now and not have any sort of idea. But i don't see them as some loser crack head, rather a friend, sister, brother, mother, father, aunt, uncle, lawyer, doctor, student, mechanic, nurse WHATEVER. Because that's who they are.
And i know i can do this, even more i WANT to do this.

And that's why today is the best tuesday ever.

Hilarity Ensues

2008-11-11T03:25:00.001-05:00

I love Conan O'Brien. Tom Hanks has no sense of humor.....

Stress

2008-11-11T01:44:00.006-05:00

So, if you haven't gathered from previous entries, i've been feeling a little stressed out lately. Mostly from school. Actually, ALL from school. But not the point. ANYWAYS when i get stressed out i start to do weird things. This usually occurs around finals, although this semester it's pretty much been whenever i want. So, without further ado, i present:
WEIRD THINGS JANE DOES WHEN SHE GETS STRESSED OUT! (i would like to note that all of these things have actually happened)

1) GET THE SUDDEN URGE TO STICK SOMETHING UP MY NOSE!! And i mean, sudden. urge. I even IMed cory to tell her about it. I really wanted to stick a lego up there, but she suggested something that wouldn't result in having to say "it seemed like a good idea at the time" to the people in the ER, such as a pen.

In case you were wondering, NO i DID NOT stick anything up there. The urge surpassed and i escaped emergency room and booger free.

2) STAND ON MY HEAD. I do this weird thing where i sort of kneel on my bed, with my head resting on the bed, and like rock back and forth. It's hard to explain, but the best example i can give you is that it's like a cross between intense praying and a head stand.
Like this, only without the nasal spray, and more weight on the head. And rocking back and forth. It's actually quite soothing i suggest you try it sometime...

3) LAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR WITH A PILLOW OVER MY HEAD. in X formation, BLARING the pixies (preferably the song "where is my mind"). Apparently, this is quite startling to walk in on....

4) DISCUSS OBSESSIVELY HOW I WANT TO SHAVE MY HEAD. I'm completely serious, when it gets BAD, i really feel like just shaving all my hair off. i can totally relate to Brittney Spears and her meltdown...

5). SING RICK ASTLEY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN

Once you pop, the fun don't stop.

6). DANCE TO TWIST AND SHOUT ON MY BED. I also sing PYT, and Gz and the Hustlas over and over again. Kimya Dawson sometimes makes an appearence.

Gz and Hustlas is also my homework hype up song. Try it. Hellooooo motivation!

7) TAKE OBSESSIVE AMOUNTS OF STRANGE PICTURES WITH PHOTOBOOTH. And then put them on facebook. I don't think this needs an example, you've all seen them.

8) MAKE SIGNS. And post them places. Or make people wear them.

Poor cory. I made her particpate/put up with all of this madness. She clearly hates her life (or at least me) in this picture. The other side of this sign says "P.Y.T" AND YES IN CASE YOUR WONDERING IT DOES IN FACT SAY "AQUALUNG"

9) DRESS UP IN WEIRD OUTFITS. Usually involving rain boots (or obscure shoes of some kind), sweat pants or shorts, a random article of clothing, and a NON clothing item. Hats and sunglasses are preferred for this as well.

10) MAKE THINGS OUT OF BOXES. Like a raptor outfit.
That is a raptor head on my head. Made out of free boxes from the bookstore. Be jealous

11) PAINT MY ENTIRE FACE. In public. For absolutely no reason...

Seriously, i don't know how anyone puts up with me. Or why i have friends. Because to be honest this is a rather short list. I guess it's a better way to deal with stress than other alternatives?? Props go out to cory because she lived in a tiny ass room with me for an ENTIRE. YEAR. I'm sure her take on this is totally different from mine haha.
Anyways. Hope that was interesting, if not entertaining. I'm seriously getting carpal tunnel.
But seriously.

Election Day

2008-11-05T02:18:00.004-05:00

I will remember this day for the rest of my life.

- Virginia became a blue state.
- A black man was elected president.
- HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE!!
- I HELPED MAKE THIS HAPPEN
- the youth proved everyone wrong and had amazing voter turn out
- America united to change our nation!
- VCU took over the streets of Richmond

i've never been this excited, proud, and happy about something like this in my entire life....

My president is black =]

TOMMOROW

2008-11-03T23:54:00.002-05:00

Is the big day. And i couldn't be more excited! This is such a huge, historic election, and i get to be a part of it. And that is SO. COOL. if you don't vote, you're ignorant. Plain and simple.

Tonight i got followed home by this totally creepy guy. I've like blown him off before, because he is totally OLD AND CREEPY AND FROM ENGLAND AND JUST GROSS!! But he like turned around from where he was walking to talk to me and just aijskdfniuwjeknlf. i told him my name was jessica. And i didn't want to make a huge scene because what if he was crazy and tried to kill or kidnap me or something?? And he remembered that i was a pig for halloween and asked me about what i was studying and just sick sick weird sick.
And now i feel like i'm not gonna be able to get away from him, and see him everywhere, and just ickkkkk. Next time he comes up to me i'm cussing his ass out, i don't care if he tries to kill me or whatever. Fuck street smarts i'm gonna make him leave me the fuck alone.

And that was my day. I'm riding my bike to my monday night class from now on.

VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!!

i suck i suck i suck

2008-11-02T22:26:00.002-05:00

Weekend recap:

Thursday:
Got up, went to my 8am, found out i got a B on my last test so i decided to NOT drop the class. Also found out i have a test on thursday. Hopefully will NOT regret the decision to keep the class. Got a Bagel. Went to spanish class, took a test, went to shafer. Came home, cleaned up the house with k'shonda, cleaned the kitchen, and started setting up for the party. Went with byron to get alcohol and pick up the blacklights/fog machine. Set all that stuff up while watching a show about haunted houses. Made the punch, realized it was nowhere NEAR enough. Shayla came home, gave us money, went to kroger to buy juice/soda/chicken. Yes, we bought fried chicken. We were hungry. It was good. Made some more punch, arranged furniture, and got ready! Donned our AWESOME halloween costumes (3 little pigs!) started sippin and had a good time! Not as many people came as we expected, but it was still a lot of fun. SOME PEOPLE DIDN'T SHOW UP AND I WAS KINDA MAD!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! I didn't even drink that much and by the end of the night (when we were kicking people out) was feeling like absolute SHIT. Kelsey slept over and we had fun.

Friday:
Headache like a bitch, and i threw up like twice. I SWEAR ON MY LIFE THAT I AM NEVER DRINKING ANYTHING WITH ARISTOCRAT IN IT AGAIN! EVEN IF IT TASTES FINE! I've never felt SO shitty after drinking SO little. Tried to make it to my 2 o'clock class, and realized i wasn't even going to make it a block away from my house. Crawled back in bed and slept until 7 pm.
Like i said, i SUCK.
Then ate some food (rice i think?) put the halloween costume back on, and drank a little bit in prep for the dance party at 534. We waited in line for freaking EVER even though we were on the pointless didn'tevencheckit VIP list. It was packed, but i had fun. I cussed a guy out cuz he kept touching me and coming up to me and pulling on my hat. And i danced my ass off, even though my buzz was GONE by the time we got inside. Came home when it was over, changed into pjs, ate a ton of food and watched tv. Kelsey decided to go home at like 430 because she had to get up early or something. So she left, and i went to bed totally unaware of the situation going on in the alley with our neighbors.
But THAT is a story for another time.

Saturday:
Got up, talked to k-pup, found out about the whole neighbor thing, and decided to go over there with her and apologize. They were relatively cool about it. Putzed around on the internet, did some reading, cleaned up the kitchen (again) then read some more and watched The shining and paranormal state. i didn't go out because i was on like people overload. But i already posted about that. Went to bed late because i couldn't fall asleep because my mind was spinning because i just realized how the smester is almost over and how much work i have to do.

Sunday (today):
Got a phone call that allena was on her way up. Did she ask? no, she told me. And we were going to shortpump, and then nacho mamas. So, i got up. Read for a few hours, then got picked up to go to shortpump. Bought a shirt on sale for 9 dollars at urban outfitters, and then went to nacho mamas. It was fun i guess. I was in a pretty sour mood. Mostly i just concentrated on keeping my mouth shut cause i thought i might snap at someone. Came back and watched Desperate Housewives (SO. GOOD) and now i'm here, fucking around on the internet, instead of doing ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE!!!

God, what the FUCK is wrong with me? I realized that even though i really want Thanksgiving to be here because i want a break so desperately and to see seyi and for once just BE HOME (i never get like this really) that the approach of thanksgiving means the end of the semester and i'm not ready for that either. Because i have so much work to do (paperpaperpaper) plus tests and just idk i've never felt so out of it and overwhelmed in my life. Oh wait i lied, i felt like this junior year of highschool, when i almost failed out. COOL.

Bla bla bla i suck. I promsie i'll write something interesting soon, i just have to get all this bitching out of my system.

Also, next time i'm at walmart or somewhere and someone asks me to see my receipt, i'm saying "No".

BLAH BLAH BLAH

2008-11-02T01:44:00.002-04:00

i've been fucking wasting my time lately. And getting nothing accomplished. And being really moody and cranky. And i don't like it.

Tonight, i stayed in. I needed to, i'll recap my weekend tomorrow but i just needed to NOT go out and have some alone time. So i started reading more research for my paper that i'm about to fall behind on. And then i went downstairs to make some chicken (successful) and found out The Shining was on.
So i watched that.
Alone.
In the dark.
It was great. And then paranormal state came on, and this girl was LEGIT POSSESSED BY A DEMON.
So i watched that.
With k'shonda.
In the dark.
And then i watched the very begining of The Shining because i realized i've never seen it.
And then it was like almost one in the morning and i'd read all of 2 pages. So i came up here and fucked around on the internet and now i'm about to go to sleep and i STILL haven't gotten jack shit done. And tommorrow my friend is coming up (wether i like it or not) so i'm not gonna really get anything done tomorrow either. COOL.

I think i'm getting carpal tunnel from my laptop.....

My Tap Dance Hero

2008-10-30T15:44:00.003-04:00

Savion Glover is one of my heroes. He is the most incredible tapper i've ever seen. He also did all the tap dancing for Mumble in Happy Feet. I got to see his broadway show (tony award winning) and it was absolutely amazing. Here are some vids i found (including the first time i saw him on Sesame Street).

What the fuck am i doing??

2008-10-29T00:26:00.006-04:00

i realized last night that i need to start dancing again. Or i'm going to go fucking insane.

Zebra zebra zebra

2008-10-27T20:37:00.003-04:00

My sweater is making me lint central. I'm absolutely covered in gray fuzz.

I'm sitting in anthropology class right now. it's usually much more interesting but today all we're talking about is patterns of subsistence and economic systems. Booooringggg. We're getting all into the social aspect of gifts, and it's really complicated and makes me think about Christmas which is super far away. Except not really and i don't like that idea. Gifts are super complicated. i never really realized it

Today was freaking gross. I left for class at 11:45 and it was cool and sunny and i wore sunglasses. And then when i got out of class at 12:50 it was dark and cloudy and freezing outside. And when i got out of class at 2:50 it was pouring rain and even colder. Miserable.

Today i was in a super weird mood, and i started obsessively writing the word zebra all over my notes in english class. Then i drew the word zebra in zebra print, and it had a thought bubble with a picture of a zebra in it that was saying "wtf" than the thought bubble had a thought bubble that said "cool!"
I'm super weird.

Everyone i know has been having a tough time lately. Whether its school or relationships or just plain old bad luck. I don't know what's going on but everyone's stressed out and just getting their ass kicked by life. It's not fair. But i guess "life isn't fair".

No one said it would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it.

But seriously

2008-10-26T18:04:00.002-04:00

The circus, vegas, or disney world are sounding seriously good right now.

Its 6:05 on a Sunday, and i got out of bed 2 hours ago. WASTE. But lets be honest i desperately needed the sleep. I'm sitting here, trying to write my point sentence outline, and it's not going well because 1. i don't even really know what a point sentence outline is and 2. i don't really even know what my paper is 100% about yet. I'm one of those people that kind of figures everything out AS i'm writing it. Not a planner. And i've done all my other homework for tomorrow so really, i'm left with just this.

This weekend was better than the last few.
Friday went to a kegger at a house that smelled like vomit and pitbull puppies, but the backyard was a sweet setup. Then it rained. But it was fine because of all the trees. Saw this kid that i have never seen NOT falling over drunk, then saw him get his ass beat by these guys we were with. All over a sports team. Took his jacket, then we went to a house dance party that was pretty good. The usual deal. Cept everyone was standing outside instead of inside dancing. Then when we were outside cooling off, saw about 2-3 more fights, then dipset because the cops were about to come. On the way home, saw the cops speeding past. Yet another richmond party busted.

Saturday got up at 930 to go help set up for the Monroe Park festival. The whole carver tent thing really came together. Thank GOD. I got a awesome tshirt with a cool graphic on the back that said "staff" on the front. It's funny how much a uniform means to people. This lady came up to ask me how to get to MCV campus and i was just like "uhhhh its far away". She was super confused, but that's prolly because it was 11o'clock and the monroe park thing didn't start till 12. It was rainy and miserable and i didn't really want to stay, so i went with amanda and benji to kroger and then to benji/roberto's place for pancakes. Banana walnut. They were delicious.
Benji is from Australia and when he asked us what size pancakes we wanted, we told him normal. He then made pancakes the size of the pan. When asked "what the hell?" he said that in Australia, that IS normal size, and you get a stack of them. So we each had one giant, plate size banana pancake. Perfect saturday breakfast.
Then i came home, and took a good 2 hour nap. Got up, watched tv, got a package from my mom full of halloween goodies. I've already eaten all the gummie bears. Went to brendans for hot dogs (he has 36 of them) came back and played scrabble. This guy that came down with melanie (who i kinda decided i didn't really like) was getting WAY to into that game. it is not that serious. Got ready, headed over to the Bodnar party.
The Bodnar party was fun, once some party poopers left and we got a game of fuck you pyramid going. Serious guy got way into that as well; i was the dealer, and not him. General silliness occured (including a sweet break dance battle) and i got some incriminating photos. Then we walked to main street to go to this other party. It was interesting, weird vibes. The roommates got into a fight and it was awkward, but their dogs were absolutely adorable. The one girl who lived there looked just like Topanga from Boy Meets World. Except skinnier. Finally walked back and crawled into bed around 4.

So. That was my weekend. I've now wasted a good 40 minutes or so, and its dark outside. I've seen maybe 3 hours of sunlight today. My room is a mess and i need to clean it up but i'm just not in the mood and i have to be in the mood to clean. I did however load and run the dishwasher yesterday.
Ok, going to work on my outline/paper now. Prolly just do some more reading to get some sort of direction to where i'm trying to go with this thing.

Also. KFC bowls are really good. Even WITH the corn...

I'm joining the circus

2008-10-24T21:42:00.003-04:00

Remember how i said i didn't have a lot of work to do this weekend?

i lied. Found out today that my point sentence outline is due on monday. That's basically planning out what your paper is going to say. So it's almost writing the paper.
poop.

i'm watching oceans 11 right now. And i've decided that i want to work in Vegas. Be a black jack dealer or a cocktail waitress or something. i think that'd be fun. I've also decided that being a theif would be pretty fun as well. So maybe i'll just drop out of school and become a professional criminal. Or maybe i'll just move to florida and work at Disney World and become a dancer or princess or something. Or join the circus. All of these options are sounding REALLY good right now.

Halloween costume is complete. For under 20 dollars. Ohhhhhh yeaaaa. I'm not down with paying 50 bucks for 3 tiny peices of fabric that i'm only gonna wear once. So stoked for Halloween its gonna be aweeesomme.

Tommorow i'm helping out with the Monroe Park celebration for VCU's 40th anniversary. I'll be in the carver tent in the villiage area. You should come say hi.

Sleep is the cousin of death

2008-10-24T02:05:00.004-04:00

I googled the word "salty" (because that's how i've been feeling lately) and that's what came up.

There are several things i find humorous about these images (they were all on the first page). But the best part i think is the train from Thomas the Tank Engine. Did anyone else watch that show? It was a regular at my house. I watched it, and both my brothers LOVED it. Over the summer i found all our brio train track and made a sweet track in our basement. It was awesome. I made Seyi take a picture of it. Anyway i don't remember this particular train (whose name is Salty) but he looks like a total doofus. It's the teeth.
Pirate monkey and kid drawing of the salty sea dog are also good ones.

I FINISHED MY REVIEW OF LITERATURE PAPER! It's only 6 pages. Relatively small victory. And i'm pretty sure i have WAY to many quotes because i was going over my notes/guidelines and it said "not a lot of quotes" and i have a lot. But oh well that way i didn't plagiarize (heaven forbid) and i'm pretty sure it's the only way i would've been able to fill the minimum 6 pages.
There are so many holes in my research. i got a LOT of work to do before this bitch of a final paper. FUCKKKK.

Not much has changed since my last few posts. Plans for the weekend: sleep, vcu monroe park celebration thing, drink drink drink! And do spanish. But i have NO MAJOR ANYTHINGS DUE NEXT WEEK! (i don't think) so i am excited because maybe i can unwind a little bit and stop pumping my body full of caffiene and driving myself insane.
Highly unlikely.
But here's hoping!!

I'll probably also start reading the books Cory got me. Don't hate, i love reading!

On a side note: i am slightly bummed i didn't get to attend Obama-rama on wednesday. However i heard it was an absolute mad house with 13,000 people inside the colliseum, and another 7,000 outside with tv screens. And people lining up at 5am when doors opened at 10!! MADNESS! Way too cold for that shit.
It's getting cold.
And i don't like it one bit.

Cool things i've found online:

2008-10-22T20:19:00.003-04:00

i found a lot of cool stuff online today (Yet another day of productivity!)

-Reasons not to date a T-Rex. You know, in case you were thinking about it.

- Vivi Dot. Amazing, jewelry, handmade, adorable, and CHEAP. You can even get special order ones from the pattern catalog. I'm about to order a bunch of stuff right now.

- Term paper artist. The glorious, humorous account of writing papers for a living. It's amazing what some students will do for an A.

- Zombie Dating. DELICIOUS!!

- Leslie Hall. I don't know who this woman is, but i laughed anyway. She likes gem sweaters and writing cool rap songs about gold pants...

fail

2008-10-22T13:10:00.003-04:00

I'm sitting in the starbucks at the library NOT working on the draft for my review of lit paper that's due in.... 45 minutes. I have 2 out of six pages written. SPECTACULAR.

On monday i got a whopping 2 hours of sleep because i stayed up to study for my ethics exam which was at 8am. Then i somehow stayed awake all day. Last night's sleep was good.

I dunno lately people (including those that don't even really know me that well) have been asking what's wrong and if i'm okay and the truth is i don't really know if i'm okay. I'm feeling SO overwhelmed with school and i'm trying to stay afloat but it just keeps trying to pull me under. Like normally when i get like this i just give up and say "fuck it" but i can't do that in this situation because i will fail out.
And i'ts affecting everything! My ability to focus, my motivation to do anything, my relationship, my sleep habits, everything. I'm just moody and irritated and "salty" (that's a direct quote) and i hate it but i don't know what to do about it because i don't think there's anything i CAN do about it. And when other people are moody towards me i just get irritated and unpleasent and have lost all sense of understanding or empathy. And it's seriously just.. getting to me because i don't know what i want anymore and i'm scared i'll fuck up because i'm not myself.
Going home for fall break helped, but i didn't get as much done and def didn't get the amount of sleep that i needed. For the one time in my life i DIDN'T want to go back to school. And it's not even homesickness it's the desperate need for some sort of break.

i'm just doubting everything that i do/have done. i feel like school is a giant duck that's slowly pecking away at me, and i have a stick to like beat it off but my efforts are futile because it's still getting some good pecks in. I am slowly being pecked to death by VCU.

Black Men. White Women.

2008-10-20T00:58:00.005-04:00

People have been bugging me to write this post for awhile now. i feel like this question is getting asked a lot all of a sudden: Why do white women love black men? And who better to ask than the white girl dating the black guy.

Let me start off by saying that there are plenty of white women who DON'T find black men attractive; i have several friends who just.. don't. And they always say "no offense but i don't find black guys attractive". Like i'm gonna be offended? Everyone has their own taste; i don't find asians to be attractive. Not everyone likes the same flavor. There are also plenty of white women who find black men attractive, yet just don't/haven't dated one. For WHATEVER reason; scared what their parents might think, "social pressures", or maybe they just haven't found one they wanted to date. Point is you can't just assume every white girl just loves black men.

However, there are quite a few of us.

So the question is WHY? What is so special, so different about them? Inquiring minds want to know, and the white dudes are trying to figure out where their women are going.

For me, personally, it's a little bit different. i fell in love with my boyfriend, and he just HAPPENED to be Nigerian. I don't have a fetish for black guys (at least not yet), i find white men attractive still. Don't worry guys, you're not out! But being in both an interracial relationship, and a same race relationship has made me realize some differences. Yea there are plenty of cases where the race is just a coincidence; but i gotta admit there's something about being with a black guy that is uniquely different.

So what? What is it? What is the secret?

- White guys have this....arrogance about them. I'm not saying all white guys are arrogant, or that black guys are NEVER arrogant (because that is false) however, there is this sense of entitlement in white guys. They have never been oppressed in any sort of way; look back through history: who was allowed to do EVERYTHING? White males. It's as if they're deserving of everything, and if they don't get what they want, than its been taken away from them. Like a girl is something to be owned and then stolen? I think not. Black guys have a different attitude, like there is a REASON they are with this girl, not just because they CAN be and are deserving to be.

- Black guys have a sense of pride about their women. Like "yea look at my baby! That's MY girl" and white guys are just kinda like "Yea she's hot. Honey can you pick up my dry cleaning?" Every girl likes to feel special! You wanna be with someone who is proud of you, and makes you feel good. White guys have no pride for who they're with.

- Their skin is like... smooth, soft, silky velvet. You just wanna touch it. And keep touching it. Sorry white boys, ya'lls skin ain't no where near like that. It's not your fault though.

- There's something liberating about being with a black man. Like you can just be wild and free and they're not gonna judge you for it. As someone else put it, "how many white men can treat a woman like a lady and ravish her too?"

- They know who they are. They respect themselves, they know they're men, they know their style, and they're CONFIDENT about it.

- Sorry but, their dicks are just bigger. With a white guy, you never know what you're gonna get. With a black guy, you know you're not gonna be dissapointed.

- They often have a greater sense of culture. They know where they came from, and are proud of it. And they're also interested in your culture, and where you came from, and respect you for it. There's a mutual sort of respect, that you don't get from a lot of white guys.

- If they're dating a white girl, you know they're brave. They take just as much heat from their friends and families as we do for being in an interracial relationship. White men think they're stealing their women, and black women resent them because now they can't have them. They're willing to take a risk.

- They just know how to make a woman feel sexy.

- There's something dangerous about being with a black man. The stigmas of society, the prejudice that still exists. Even though everyone likes to pretend that racism is essentially gone, we'd be kidding ourselves if we believed that to be true. Being in an interracial relationship is still relatively taboo, plus there's the added racial sterotype about black men. Not gonna lie, you feel kinda like a badass walking down the streets holding hands with a black guy.

- One word: BRO. i hate bros. there are too many of them. i don't like thugs either. i guess that's irrelevant then....

- They know how to cook. Their mama taught them well.

I feel like this list is... super prejudice or something. This is not a "bash white guys" post, just an answer to a question that was posed to me. I feel like this list isn't complete either. If you ask any white girl who has been in an interracial relationship, they'll probably give you a different set of reasons. And this list is of course, not every case. Just stuff i've noticed about general populations. If you have something to add feel free to comment.

This wasn't meant to be a "black guys are better" kind of thing either. Because i don't think any race is better than the other really, its just a matter of personal taste, not unlike ice cream flavors.

So why do white women love black men? i think the real question should be why black men love white women! SOMEONE should answer this question in depth for me, because i am ever so curious.

i guess the real answer is like the applejacks commercial: because we just do!!

i am DYING over this video right now....

2008-10-19T01:57:00.000-04:00

It's so, so true hahaha

Homecoming

2008-10-19T01:09:00.002-04:00

So, i came home for fall break because i needed to get away from school for a few days. The stress of the environment was making me FREAK. OUT. and not be able to sleep. So i came home for the reading days (i brought my homework, don't you fret. This is not a vacation).
Anyways.
it was purely a coincidence that this weekend was also my highschool's homecoming. So i went to the game with my family in order to spend some quality family time, maybe see some old friends and say hi to a few teachers that i sort of miss. It was also a great alternative to my review of literature.

i fucking hate that place.

Like, you know when you're a senior you just hate school and want to get the hell out. And yea its kind of cool to come back once you're in college and be all like "look at me look at me" but i realized, that i've been out of that place for 2 years and i still fucking hate it. it wasn't me being a senior, highschool just blows. And south county is full of snobs and pricks and tools and sluts and just... ugh.
i don't miss highschool at ALL.
And i know some people who do which just seems super weird to me because majority of the people i know couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. And i'm just over the whole scene. Plus now that i know how awesome college is and what i was missing, nothing about highschool seems even remotely good.

The highlight was that this girl i've always hated (yet often had to deal with) got super fat at school. Which was super funny because on the way there i told my dad "i hope heather castro is there and that she got super fat".(And heather, or anyone that knows/likes her, if you read this, i don't really give a shit. Because i never have to see you ever again, PLUS you got a slut gut and i didn't so fuck you!).

It was cold as shit. And the dance team has since fallen apart since me and tricias reign. Also they got a new director of student activities so the whole showing belly button thing and revealing uniforms is no longer a problem, although in this case it SHOULD be.

i then hopped on the metro to go visit my hetero life partner at George Washington University. That was super fun, hung out and caught up, made some mischeif and took some ridiculous pictures. Went to bed at 5 am. I wish we went to school together... *sigh*....

GW is like a richer, less ghetto version of VCU. I felt right at home, yet realized that i was NOT in Richmond anymore, and DEF not at a public university. These guys we were hanging out with started having a random jam session (typical vcu occurance) but THEN they started like quizzing each other on history facts/trivia. And they were SO into it. And they were drunk as shit. And i was just baffled. i'm pretty sure i just sat there staring at them with my mouth open for a good 5 minutes just being like "what the hell?".
It was good.

Today i went to starbucks for a breif moment, and got a haircut, and took my brother to mcdonalds. And worked on my review of lit paper. Fascinating.
I just wanna beat the shit out of english 200.
i want to legitimately get in a fist fight with it and just pound it into a bloody pulp.

but i digress.

That's all for now. Stay tuned for......

BLACK MEN. WHITE WOMEN.

(i know you're dying for my opinion on this subject)

i am in a place right now

2008-10-15T22:48:00.002-04:00

It's a good place though. I'm pretty good right now. I like it.

I love

2008-10-15T00:08:00.003-04:00

you.

and the fact that we talk about Sportscenter like its a real person (that slut) and how deep down i REALLY think you would marry video games if you could but that's ok, because you can't legally marry inanimate objects.

i love that you get jealous but try and hide it from me. But it's not CRAZY jealous just the right amount that makes me feel loved and important and like i actually MEAN something. i love that you get so into movies that you forget i'm there even though you continue to talk about how illogical they are to yourself (yea, there's no WAY will smith could ACTUALLY kill 50 mutants by himself in real life).

i love that you're not even fazed by me telling you i walked around the gas station convenience store at midnight with a purple balloon shoved up my shirt pretending to be pregnant with my good friend laughing behind me trying to buy cigarettes while the owner just shook his head at me. Or how you understand when i scream into the phone " I'M DRIVING MY BROTHERS HOME AND BRITTANY SPEARS JUST CAME ON I CAN'T TALK" it means i really CAN'T talk right now. And how you just let me be obsessed with stupid things (like raptors and zombies) even ENCOURAGE them by buying me toys and accept that my hair is pink even if you don't like it and just roll with all the punches i throw at you (sometimes literally).

and i love that you call me freakin crazy "but i love it" and get weirded out when i tell you to pull my hair and just laugh when i always say "ok last one" but then come back and kiss you again.

but mostly,

i just love you

i wrote this a few months ago. And just found it recently and felt like sharing. The end.

Banana Phone!!

2008-10-13T23:43:00.005-04:00

Today i saw a guy on rollerblades. ROLLER. BLADES!! When was the last time you saw those? Prolly in the 90s when you were a kid and tied your sweatshirt around your waist.

Bill Clinton came to our campus last night. I didn't attend. Desperate Housewives came on plus apparently like 4,000 people went and it was an absolute mad house.

Today i had lunch with my friend and i cannot escape the banana thing! There were bananas ALL OVER SHAFER! Like am i the only one who noticed?
Anyway had a good talk about relationships. And it was just good to talk about stuff. I realized a lot of stuff, both good and bad. Sometimes its just good for someone else's perspective.

Last night someone from home that i grew up with IMed me. And told me he was bored at home, and hoping that i was home because he knew i was a fun person. Never in my life would i have thought this guy thought i was "fun" (Kate if you read this, you know who i'm talking about). Am i a fun person? i mean i always thought that i was but its nice to be reassured.

So in my ethics class, we're talking about pornography. And i read this article in my book written by Catharine McKinnon (noted feminist) who says that porn is degrading to women because it makes men view women in a purely pornographic fashion: as sex objects. And that porn only portrays women in a tortorous fashion (like being tied up or whatever) and that it is, in fact, harmful to women.
Harmful.
Now i don't really think this is true at all. I mean, after all didn't the women CHOOSE to be in said porn? If anything isn't it a sign of sexual liberation? I think there's a disconnect between feminists of the past generation and those of my generation. Because, yea while a lot of things in society ARE degrading towards women (porn, music, movies, etc) we're not really focused on that. We're focused on getting ahead in the workplace and having a career and a family and all that other more important stuff. Not whether or not porn is degrading and/or harmful. The women that are strippers/hookers/pornstars/whatever choose to be that. Its one thing if their forced but if they do it because it pays good money, than go ahead girl! We all have different values and we shouldn't inflict them on others if they're not wanted.

i dunno maybe its just me. Someone back me up or tell me why i'm wrong.

On tv today, i watched another show about the Duggar Family. This family has 17 kids with one more on the way. i don't know if you've heard of them, but they are FASCINATING! Who the hell thinks 18 kids are a good idea? And they've built their own house and it's HUGE and they homeschool their kids and just... yea.

I also saw a preview for a show about a guy who's half man and half TREE!!! HE IS HALF OF A TREE!
He lives in Indonesia and has some sort of super rare virus that causes growth on his face and branches that like, grow out of his body. FASCINATING!! i am totally watching that show on sunday. Totally.
PART TREE! HE IS PART TREE!

Fascinating...

Post Secret

2008-10-13T00:15:00.001-04:00

The one thing i look forward to every Sunday is reading the new secrets on post secret.

When everything else about sunday sucks, post secret is always good.

i hate banana chips

2008-10-12T23:10:00.003-04:00

Yesterday i went to kings dominion for their fear fest thing plus to ride roller coasters (cuz i loooove them). Now i HATE being startled/scared but once i got over the initial fear and convinced myself that they were just VCU students in costumes it was really fun! (which is more than i can say for SOME people... but i digress)

Today went to carytown to begin the halloween costume put together. It's been super warm out lately and i'm confused because it is the middle of October. Shopping in Carytown makes me realize how poor i REALLY am, and how un-important super expensive things (like clothes) are to me.

i changed my facebook to pirate language and it's seriously blowing my mind. i think i'm going to have to change it back because it is way too overwhelming.

This weekend pretty much was lame. We found ANOTHER mouse in our house and went to get mousetraps. And they haven't caught anything yet. Our trip to KD was cut short by human grumpiness, and i felt like crap and didn't wanna go out. Fall break is this weekend though so i suppose that's something to look forward to. Get my haircut and catch up on some sleep.

Everytime i have to spell out the word "banana" i sing the Gwen Stefani song in my head.

This post sucked. Bye.

Another Lame Friday Night

2008-10-11T00:59:00.003-04:00

I'm sick of coughing. It's really getting on my nerves. And i'm sitting here watching The Girls Next Door make chocolate private parts.

Today i helped out at the soup kitchen. That was fun. And in my english 200 class we watched youtube. Really glad i went to that class.

I also started watching this documentary called The Bridge which is about the Golden Gate bridge and how it's the most popular place to commit suicide. This guy filmed the Bridge everyday in 2004 and witnessed multiple people jumping, as well as interviewed their family and friends, and witnesses.
So i'm sure you're like "what the hell why are you watching such a depressing documentary?" And to that i don't really have an answer because my friend pointed out today that i'm always watching depressing documentaries. I seem to stumble upon them online. And i'm not quite sure why i always watch them because it's not like i like to be sad and depressed and bla bla bla. But i dunno i find stuff like this morbidly fascinating and oddly intriguing; like what makes someone want to jump off the golden gate bridge, and then ACTUALLY do it!?!?? i mean i know any shrink can tell me why but i'm not interested in that. I'm interested in the human factor. I dunno point is i'm gonna keep watching it.

Charlotte is my least favorite character on Sex in the City. Also, sometimes i SERIOUSLY question Carrie's fashion choices.

I AM SO MAD AT PROJECT RUNWAY!!

2008-10-09T22:42:00.002-04:00

This Bitch needs to go.
I can't believe they kept her and kicked of Jerell. He was the one i wanted to win!! Like am i the only one outraged here?????

I swear to god if she wins i WILL stab myself in the stomach.

This is not a joke...

WATCH THIS

2008-10-09T01:55:00.000-04:00

http://freedocumentaries.org/theatre/php?filmid=185&id=1067&wh=1000x720

Waste

2008-10-08T15:53:00.002-04:00

What a fucking waste of a day. Its 3:55 and i just got up. I didn't go to either of my classes today for absolutely no reason. And i'm still coughing up a storm.

I suck.

DONE!!

2008-10-07T20:12:00.002-04:00

finished my exams, and my spanish homework, and all this other crap. FINALLY THE PERIOD OF HELL IS OVER AND I CAN RETURN TO NORMAL LIFE!!!!!

Stop living in the library, etc.

PLAN: take a shower, watch law and order SVU, take some NyQuil and GO TO SLEEP!!!!

Any one trying to get high tomorrow? I'm tryin to get fucking blazed. I deserve it. Wake and Bake? Hit me up. But seriously.

i think i just let out the biggest sigh in the history of sighs...

So much for summer skin

2008-10-07T16:11:00.005-04:00

I wonder what it's like to be a meter maid in Richmond and know that everyone in the entire city hates you. What a horrible job.
They have cool looking scooters though. Maybe that's some sort of personal consolation....

Today i went to this "Discovery" Workshop and it was the biggest waste of my time. I did however get a personality test thing. So maybe i'll do that and finally settle down on something. I dunno. I DO know that i didn't realize that i signed up for it today, and i should've just continued to study for my social work midterm because i have a horrible feeling that it's going to be REALLY hard and i wish i had more time to go over all my stuff. Oh well.

After today though, my life returns to normal and my 2 weeks of hell are over (hopefully).

Also, today in ethics class we talked about pornography. It's kind of weird to talk about that at 8am with an old guy. I'd rather go back to drug policy.

INTERESTING ENCOUNTER OF THE DAY: This guy who's in my ethics class was like, headed in the same direction as me (towards the commons) after class, and he turns to me and says "You know, if you had more fat, you wouldn't be as cold."

...

OK NOW KEEP IN MIND I DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS GUY!! Also, i am not a morning person (duh) and i was really just focused on getting my coffee and bagel and going home to study. Also, i wasn't even dressed for super cold! Nor was i acting cold! Nor was i cold at all! And it was kinda chily outside!!!

Anyway. So i just kinda look at him and go "what?" and he goes "Fat is a natural insulator for the body. That's why i'm not cold at all."
i look down and, sure enough, dude is wearing shorts and a t-shirt. (i guess it's important to know that this guy is, in fact, short and fat).
So i am just SO confused as to WHY this kid is talking to me about this, and telling me that i should be fat. Finally i was just like "I'm not cold actually, i'm pretty comfortable. Besides i just don't like cold weather"

Then he goes "Ahh. Yea, maybe i'm just used to it." WHAT ARE YOU A POLAR BEAR!?!?? Sorry i had a sweatshirt on at 8am when it was like 50 degrees out. Sheesh.

Luckily we then went our seperate ways. What IS it with people these days? I'm just meeting weirdos left and right...

White People Running

2008-10-06T20:09:00.004-04:00

i saw a lot of weird things today. And by things i mean people. See previous post for 2 of the characters i encountered.
I also saw this girl with extremely long hair twice, and this girl that i always see who wears flats, but they make that clicking noise like heels do and i find it to be extremely irritating.

I encounter the he/she creature regularly and that's terrifying; you know the big guy (i think) that has really long hair but a GIANT bald spot on the top that is just emphasized by the fact that his hair is pulled into a ponytail, also fat enough to have man boobs but they're so large they could be real? And i've seen this person wearing a spaghetti strap tank top, and a blue t-shirt with baby seals on it.

Friday these 2 kids were fencing in front of shafer.

I dunno i've just been noticing people a lot more.

Speaking of noticing, someone pointed out to me that white people running is funny. And while i never really thought about it, today on my way home from my exam i saw this white kid just take off sprinting for no apparent reason.

And it was hilarious.

Therefore, i bring you pictures of white people running.